Selamat Hari Raya

This is my 3rd Raya here, in the Netherlands, but probably my 8th time spending raya out of Malaysia. yes i do miss home especially this time around, with all the food you can get, and meeting most family members (mostly crazy wicked cousins), i miss going to my best friend Yoyo's house and have leftovers.. i miss the sound of fireworks at night, and the raya songs they play on the radio, i miss the smell of raya (if you know what i mean) - the smell of new curtains, new paint, cookies and cakes in the oven...

But eversince we got here, we havent been really focusing much on raya. 

To us, now that we're all grown up and pretty much slightly (and hopefully) wiser, raya is not all about food. raya is not all about new things in the house, new clothes, new shoes and what we're gonna wear. raya for us is to be thankful and grateful and most importantly, raya is all about giving and forgiving.

If i have ten hands, i'd send all of you a card. but with everything that's been going on lately, i only managed to make less than half of what i intended to make! we posted our cards, couple of weeks back and hope they have arrived. with or without a card, one thing is for sure, we wish the same for everyone.

I wish everyone will enjoy their time together. i wish everyone a safe journey, and since its all about giving and forgiving, this is what i could give and wish for all of you, i ask for yours, and i give you my forgiveness, and i also wish you all the love.

 

To all our friends and families who always hop by to 'visit' us here, 

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

To Aidan

The way you came into the world was just simply different than anything else (ask papa the whole story!)

All  i can say is, before you were here, I would die for you..

This is trully, the miracle of love.

You were the tiniest thing i ever decided to put my whole life into.

As i stood and watched you sleeping, the moonlight kissed your face.

My heart is overwhelmed with your beauty and your grace.

How precious and so delicate is your tiny little hand

And the sweetness of your lips and eyes is nothing less than grand

Your spirit and your softness ternderly sets my heart aglow, with a love so deep and infinite that only a mother could know.

So tonight i count my blessings for my darling, Aidan dear, for surely God did hear my heart and answered every prayer.

10 tiny fingers ready to play

10 tiny toes dancing away

2 tiny hands to hold from the start, and

1 precious smile that touches my heart..

Yummy

Yummy

Yummy

I've got food in my tummy!

Little boys are awesome blessings,

filled with imagination and fun.

Their charm is magic and energy abounding,

until the day is done

Before you were born 

I dreamed of you,

I imagined you,

I prayed for you..

Now that you're here,

I hope for you,

I love you,

 and i thank God for you

Happy 2nd Birthday Aidan!

A Busy Body

Been down with a bad flu, had a bad fall (a rather funny story!) and been busy as a bee lately!

This is currently what i have on my plate, lots of sweet stuff! Aidan's gonna be 2 this Sunday! will share the end results of this entire mess soon...

Promise will reply most comments..... and promise to write about Czech... will write again soon guys, thanks ever so much for hopping by!

Fijne weekend! till my next post!

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is one special month for me. I have had wonderful months of fasting for the past years. my business always kicked in during the months of Ramadhan, Aidan was born slightly before the month of Ramadhan, we moved into our new house in the month of Ramadhan, i've met wonderful new friends during the months of Ramadhan (Juan of Sapura & k.Liza of Lubis to name a few).

Here's something i thought i'd share during this fasting month. its quite a personal one.


I moved to KL wanting to start a new life some 5 years ago. had a shop with a business partner but after the first year, it went downhill. i then went on my own. a few offers came in wanting me to join their companies but i decided to go on my own. it was very slow but i didnt give up. lucky for me, my business doesnt involve loans from banks and other institutions, but myself, and of course with the support of my parents. it then got to a stage where we were running dry.

One day just slightly before Ramadhan, i called my parents up for financial help. told them i wanted to make Hari Raya Hampers (back then it was at its peak). but there was something in mum's voice, and i knew something was wrong. they had sold off our second car and then i just knew that i couldnt ask for more from them. at that time both of them worked extra hard in finding extra money, dad helps a friend in a business venture and mum sells her necklaces and her oter crafts. but i could sense things are not looking so bright.

At that time, i felt like i'm the most useless daughter int the world.

Car-less, and pockets all drained, i had to walk to get to where i wanted to go. by then it was 1st and 2nd days of Ramadhan. cracked my head as to how i should do this without having to put any money up front. scouted for other people doing the same thing. i worked so hard till i almost forgot that i was fasting. i could still remember the first days of Puasa where i had to walk in the rain to get food, and i was all alone. i was sure most people by that time were already in front of their dining tables full of food and colourful drinks, waiting for the azan to break their fasts. i had to walk during azan. and it was a good 25 mins walk and coming back from the stalls, a car drove by and hit a big puddle and i got really drenched! got back to the apartment and i cried and cried. one thing about me is i simply hate to ask for favors from anybody. yes, i'd rather get drenched!

I then prayed like i've never prayed before. asking God if He could help me help my parents. i prayed, and i prayed hard. i can still remember that day when i cried to Him for help. i knew what i wanted to do, i trust myself and i believe in myself so much and have every faith that what i intended to do will succeed.

After a lot of convincing, moneytory help came in and so i could then extend the business more (to which i am grateful for). i worked my pants off during that whole month. other offers started to pour in during the same month. and i was travelling KL-JB back and forth like crazy (i've made friends with all the bus drivers!). i just couldnt cope (which was good!) and by that time, i wished i had more than 10 hands, i wished there were more than 24 hours a day and energy that could last me for life without having to sleep!

Relationships matured and one soured (for some reasons till today it puzzles me) during that month of Ramadhan. but i stayed very focused and brush the negativities aside. i knew what i was doing, and i stayed true to my words and beliefs. my relationship with my parents really matured during this time, we had fun helping each other out and it was simply a blast. i could have never have done it without them plus 2 most dearest, most beautiful friends one could ever have, Lenny and Yoyo.

That whole year was full of exciting ventures. the next Ramadhan we went full swing! Rezeki started to pour even more.

I'd never thought i'd make it this far. to which i'm very proud of. i'd never thought that other people had faith and trust in me. a bonus to see them smile whenever they see the stuff i made. everything was dipermudahkan. my prayers were answered.

the last batch before saying goodbye

2 years later, i met Hardy. got married and moved out of Malaysia, for good! it is a shame to leave everything behind just as things are picking up and bigger plans were made. but it was all for the better. definitely!

I miss those days. i miss being extremely busy! those difficult days meant a lot to me. i'm proud of what i did, how i did it. it all started with one wish. one niat - which was to help mum and dad.

Ramadhan is the best month, it pulls you so so much closer to God. it made me stronger, much much stronger. One thing that struck me was, Alhamdulillah, even without a car, even when there's no more shop, even when i'm without a soulmate, minus all the digits in our bank accounts, we worked hard and we were very happy.

Syukur, with just the basics, minus the pasar ramadhans (though i miss it), we're still able to fast till today, and most importantly, we're all fine now.

I am now helping a couple of people who i feel are in the same boat as i was back then. i'm helping them from here, afar. i've helped them before but how i wish i'm actually there so that i could help more... its difficult, yes, but i'm gonna give it my best shot!

Ramadhan al Mubarak to all muslims, my friends.

In Memory

It was 2 years ago. and i can still remember his voice. a very humble boy, just a boy. he helped us to build our home.

I can still remember him talking to Hardy about the renovation. i can still remember him knocking down our old walls with his bare hands. i can still remember him doing the plastering of Aidan's new room and laying down the bricks for our kitchen and dining extention. i can remember it all well.

He left without even seeing our home, now all done up. he left before i could even cook him a malay meal as i had promised. he left without even finishing his final year degree in construction, he left us suddenly. but he left peacefully.

I am extremely thankful and grateful to him for all his effort and his time. 2 years. 2 years had passed. and our home would not be a home without his help.


As i prayed with Hardy last night in our room, i thought of him, and how hard he worked for our house, to get it all ready before Aidan was born. that place where he stood is now our office and my craft room, and that's the exact place where we now pray. we now spend most of our time there, in that room, which once used to be Aidan's.

To Geoffery, we didnt thank you enough. but we hope you know how grateful we are to you. you're missed, i'm sure. but we want you to know, you're remembered, by us. always. in memory of you, we planted an apple tree in our garden! thank you, thank you so much. may you rest in peace Geoffery.

Zaza, Hardy & Aidan

**more on what actually happened, click here**

Fabulous Finds

This is the closest thing that we can get to a real 'pasar'. i LOVE the market! we get our supplies of fresh fish almost every saturday, and i normally get our fresh flowers to add some colour to our home whenever we're at one.

There's tonnes you can find at the market. i love to scout for rare finds (most of the time i'm unsuccessful). but i get some kind of a thrill from just browsing!

Just when people back home in malaysia are sighing and complaining of the rise of the oil prices and everything else, over here, i am so thankful that we can still afford to buy a great bunch for just 5 euros! just look at the the veges and fresh fruits! and what this particular store was offering was:

2 avocados

2 boxes of roma tomatoes

2 papayas

2 sweet mangoes

1 gala melon

1kg mandarin

2 whole salads

FOR just 5Euros! yes! 5 euros for all the above!

... and this was what i found recently! hortensia cards and envelope set of 5 brand new and some crochets and handkerchiefs for my crafts! what luck!

This is it for now guys, we're now at Czech Republic, our last holiday for this summer! there's simply too much to share and write, i wish i have more time!! take care everyone!

A common sight.. and something a little bit uncommon..

In summer, this is a common sight on the roads in the netherlands. i think almost 45% of the dutch owns a caravan and almost 99.9% owns a bike. the facilities for holiday makers with caravans and bikes are endless here in holland. we have yet to try it though!

Oh, and see if you can find anything odd in these pictures! guess where!

True

Remember i wrote about how frustrated i was, not being able to meet my bestest of best friend yoyo in Barcelona? well, we did meet! we managed to meet up after we got back from our Barcelona trip, and after yoyo's done with her tour of Spain. we met during her transit back to Malaysia at Schiphol airport, Amsterdam.

Everytime i talk about her, speak to her, she'd bring tears to my eyes. i honestly miss her. we've come a long long way. she knows me in and out, through and fro. she defines a true friend and in her i find so much sincerity and love. she's the type of friend who'll be there for you, regardless, she's the type of friend who cares simply too much, she's the type of friend who's willing to sacrifice her time to just make you happy.. and if there's one pair of shoes left at the store (we're the same size) or if there's only one handbag left and we both love it, and we both want the exact same one so so badly, she's the type of friend who's willing to let go and let you have it! the list goes on and on. she never questions you, she never bring things up, she gossips (when needed!), she looks at the bright side of things, she calms me down, she balance me off, we're simply ourselves when we're together.. she's trully amazing.

I was in a very bad state once, very very bad state. she (of course alongside others), was there for me. let me say it again - she was REALLY there for me. she listened to every whining, every moaning patiently. as much as she wants me to get better, she allowed me to be myself and just simply do the things that i wanted to do. she held strong and stayed positive for me. we've been through thick and thin together and i can never repay her for that.

Having someone like her in my life makes me even more complete. yeah, of course the distance is there, we dont call or text each other every day, but deep down, we both know the bond is still there and will always be there. nothing has changed apart from both living on different parts of the world.

Now that you have a child, you wish for only the best for him. i pray and hope Aidan will be surrounded with sincere people. sincere people who will make him into a better person. Aidan would be extremely lucky if he has a good friend like mine! i hope he will know the real meaning of a friend.

At the end of the day, it doesnt matter how many friends you have, but what matters most is what kind of friends you have. i trully love yoyo to bits and i trust her with all my life.


After almost 3 years of not seeing each other, that day, we met for only 4 hours. how i wish it could have been longer. but 4 hours of giggles, hugs, catching up was worth the 4 hours journey to and from our home. we sobbed uncontrollably at the gates as we waived goodbye and i was quiet half the journey back to Sittard.

I love hear dearly, and i miss her every single day... and if i can have one wish right now, i wish she could have all the best things in life, for she trully deserves it!

I hope we dont have to wait for another 3 more years to see each other! anyway, i'm gonna wipe off my tears and call it a day now... another day where i wish my close, best friend's here...


Z

Bit by Bit... and it's Bijna Klaar!

I kept mentioning about our garden, and how i enjoy being in my garden since early spring. it all started when the sun came out and some our plants started to shoot out with buds. i then started clearing out the 'jungle' (part of it looked like a little jungle, well at least for Aidan). later, slowly pulled out some weeds and some sharp plants we had, just so Aidan wont hurt himself when outside playing.. and then, i saw the need to tidy up the back garden a bit since mum and dad are coming... and now that they're here, and we're still in the mood of things... we got carried away!

I'm honestly not into gardening, but i somehow love pulling out weeds! i dont grow well, so i might just stick to artificial flowers. but in this kind of weather, you cant help but to love growing, love planting, and love everything in the garden centre! before mum and dad arrived, Hardy and i bought a garden set. the next step was to lay out the slabs. over here, there are no such things as calling "tukang kebun" (a gardener) to do it for you (well actually you can if you're mighty rich). otherwise, you'll have to do everything youself! and that's just what we did!

We bought and carried everything from slabs to sand. the car carried 50 slabs each weighing 10kgs and almost 10 bags of sand each weighing 25kgs each! you do the maths! of course not all in one go... but still!

Bit by bit, and easy does it... bijna klaar (almost ready), we're getting there...
Well done boys!

June 2006 - 2 weeks after we bought the house

July 2006 - a month and a half before Aidan came into the world (yes i know, we're crazy! long story)

June 2007 - see told you it was like a little jungle!

June 2008 - Aidan in his pool in the garden

July 2008 - Aidan helping out Oma pulling out some unwanted plants

Men at work

The boys responsible for the entire garden. Well done boys! Thank you for making it all possible! (as for we girls, we're responsible for buying the flowers and chosing the furniture, as well as making sure they (boys and plants) are well fed, hydrated and motivated!)

August 2008

And look what our garden planner (dad) did last night... a layout plan for our garden... nope, it's still not done yet!

.... to be continued..... (hopefully very soon!)

Z

I'm Staying...

Thank you all for the birthday wishes for my nephew Ferran. we had a brilliant time all of us together. a couple of weeks went by so incredibly fast, especially when we were enjoying ourselves. after thousands of miles travelled, they went back to the UK with their car packed full of toys, wet-wipes (they're much much cheaper here), loads of new clothes and almost 3 thousand shots of photos taken from 3 cameras!

What a holiday!

I must apologize for not updating on our stories and journeys. i feel the need to say this. i've been thinking and thinking very hard lately.. what is my main reason for blogging. Hardy and i first started blogging since we were dating, we then moved on, and moved away and got married and now have a new life with our son Aidan here, away from Malaysia. at first, we blog to share our stories and experiences with our closest and dearest families and friends. little did we know that we'll be making friends all around the globe! i'm extremely grateful to have made new ones, definitely! some, without them knowing, are very dear to me. i'm fortunate enough not to be bombarded with nasty comments, i suppose there are quite a bunch of nice people in here. but on the other hand, by writing and making our blog 'public', anyone can find us in here and read our thoughts and stories.

I am aware by putting every word i type on the net makes people know even more of our life here. i am extremely careful with what i chose to write and how i write. i dont really write on intimate and those personal stuff and most of our writings are mainly on our son, how we're handling him, our travelling bits and how we're coping living here in the Netherlands. but whenever we write, it comes straight from the heart.

Hardy and i had a good talk over retiring from blogging. i came this close (i wish you could see how close my thumb and my pointer finger are!) to deleting our entire blog last week. we had our reasons.

But after listening to a few wise opinions, after they've made me see the other side of things, i then decided to hung on. and as Hardy puts it - "we dont have control over actions by others and what they think. but we can decide for ourselves."

I enjoy writing (despite the wrong spellings, grammar etc), i enjoy my time infront of the computer to share our stories (it's like having a 'me' time), i enjoy reading the comments made by others (those who leaves a word or two normally makes my day!). i enjoy making new friends in here. i write for a reason, i share for a reason. so there..

There's always a reason for everything. i am staying true to myself and true to what i share and write. my feet are firmly on the ground and i am grateful and thankful that some might find our writings a pleasure to read.

As of now, i'm staying.

Our 4th of July - Ferran's 1st Birthday

We woke up early that morning when Ferran turned 1. and after a good hearty breakfast, we all showered the birthday boy with all his presents. the look on Ferran's face was just as cool and calm like any ordinary day... but the look on both his mummy and daddy's faces, priceless! both their jaws wide opened - stunned. and the first thing they said was - "how on earth are we going to bring all these back home! it wont fit the car!". (told you to make space! not our fault!)

We brought out the cake after Ferran got up from his nap. then we had a tiny little cake party outside in the garden with lots and lots of shots taken. gosh! i tell you, it was tough to get Aidan to stay still with the cake infront of him... just look at the expression on both Ferran and Aidan's faces! here are some photos to share..

Aidan: "eh ferran, still plenty of cake lah! lets dive in! you sapu right, i sapu left"

Ferran: "mmmmmmmmmmmm.. but left got more aidan!"

Everyone else kept calling "Aidan!! Ferran!! Aidan!! Ferran!! look at the camera!!"

The grandparents are posing..

Aidan: "tak kisah lah... but ferran, wait, i try my luck with my papa and see dapat lagi ke tak! papaaaaa.... nak lagi sikit please..."

Ferran eyes are still on the cake!

The grandparents are STILL posing...

Aidan: "aaaaaaaaaaaaaa...."

Ferran: "ha ah la... it worked! dapat lah!"

Aidan: "see! i told you! you just have to put on a sad face and a sad tone, sure dapat! your birthday what! you try!"

Ferran: "eh, ye ke? ok.. ok..."

Ferran: "please.. someone, anyone... tok mum... i want some more cake..."

Tok mum: "alahai kesiannya cucu aku... che ferran nak cake eh, nah.. nah.. nah.."

Aidan: "see, told you! we have to be smart and act a bit!

Finally, one good shot of the grandparents and their cucus on Ferran's 1st Birthday last Friday the 4th of July!

Ferran then gets to enjoy the rest of his birthday cake with his mummy and daddy. we hope you've had a good one Ferran! and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your stay with us! we love you very much!