Looking Back

How often do we smile looking back at the things we've said and done? its surely nice to laugh about it sometimes. some will remain unpleasant, i must admit, but lets leave all those behind, chucked at one corner and stamped "done and dusted"!! some are happier moments.

The most important thing is to think of happy things, happy thoughts, create new beautiful memories and cherish them always!

I've been feeling nostalgic lately.. been looking at most of our old photos, photos since we got here and then i saw this one photo! and i just had to share this with you!

It was quite difficult to adjust ourselves when we first got here (or maybe it was just me.. hardy went off a flying start). the first month we learnt dutch from the supermarket! looking at everything, reading all the labels, trying to put everything all in our heads... we found some common names, some quite similar to english like rijst (rice), boter (butter) and a few others. some malay/indonesian words as well kitjap (kicap) and sate is sate, bami (mee/noodles).. it wasnt all that difficult. some were completely different - knooflook (garlic), champignon (mushroom)...

One day, hardy and i decided to try another supermarket. not the one we normally go- Albert Heijn. we went to Aldi instead. Aldi is a discount supermarket where their stuff are priced lower. they dont decorate or line the items on the shelves. they are all on pallets and in boxes.

So off we were with our trolly, to scout for some stuff and see what was new at Aldi. i saw a white clear bottle, with white liquid in them, plenty of them on the pallets, each labelled "AZIJN". i said to hardy, "ok, we need some mineral water... lets get a few"... hardy pointed to the bottles and said "ok, lets get these!" he then added 2 to our trolly and after a few steps, i turned back and said "i should drink more, ambik lebih lah!". added another 2 and off we went... paid for the stuff and went next door - to Albert Heijn.

We got some veges, eggs, bread and milk. we walked passed the aisles and saw some herbs and spices. and next to them were these clear bottles of white water, marked similar to the ones we had just bough at Aldi - AZIJN! hang on.. why didnt they place the mineral water at the drinks section? hardy then said "i think we just got ourselves 4 big bottles of vinegar!!"

Lucky we didnt drink them!

Hardy says i'm naive. i can be quite gullible sometimes. there was this one time, we bought ourselves a kebab each and stopped next to River Maas. sat in the car while enjoying the view. there were a few boats parked by the side. it had a sign. the sign said "COFFEESHOP". i saw a lot of people walking into the boat and said to hardy "this place must serve good coffee! so far more than 10 people walked into the boat dah! maybe we should go minum after this". hardy laughed and said "do you know what coffeeshop is here in holland?" well, i know that coffee shop sells coffee that's for sure!

He then puts his hand on my cheek and said "aallaaaaa sayanng!" and had this huge grin which turned into a huge giggle! coffee shop here is a place where people smoke marijuana! my eyes then went wide open and so was my mouth!!! "REALLY?!?! i didnt know!!!"

I know there's a lot of it here. i know its legal here. but i didnt know they had shops for it! so open!

Well, now i know! now, everytime when i see the shop sign "coffeeshop", i smile! i'm much smarter now you know! ;) haha... really!

I smiled... smiled looking back at all those mements and pictures. hope my son will smile at everything just as sweet as this when he looks back at all the things he said and done, later in life!

Gezellig!

Hardy's closet filled with fresh, crisp shirts!

And look who's been playing with Oma's beads!!

Look who's been reading and keeping him company!

Yes, oma and opa are here! I now have a couple of loving, gentle extra pair of hands and watchful eyes!

We celebrated my dad's birthday yesterday (read here if you want to see what i did for him). and now off for a short early spring break to Mossel, Germany. here's sending you guys warm wishes, plenty of fun and laughter and tonnes of happiness. have a lovely beautiful weekend everyone!

Zaza

Understood Circumstances

I've been meaning to write. and that's the truth.

It was such a roller coaster late last year and towards the beginning of this year. the 3 of us are fine and healthy. alhamdulillah. but there are just certain things that really affected me and made me think, ponder for a little while. 

Its so easy to sit down and write when you're angry, upset and hurt. best is to keep a journal, and NOT an online journal where everyone can read your thoughts! it will all then be a different story and i will only generate bad karma, bad vibes and create netagivities. most people use their blogs to let go of some steam. i dont intend to do that. and so i just had to wait till i'm in the right state of mind before i start typing again. i kept myself busy in the meantime, busy with all my crafty bits, taking it up to another level insyaallah, and taking care of my family. you see, this blog is quite personal. this blog is very close to my heart. so i thought i'd better wait and heal myself first. then write. hoping it will all make sense later..

Most of us have gone through quite a bit in life. i'm not going to compete with any of you on that. my fair bit in life had taught me to hold back in a lot of things. i hold back on replying to rude remarks, i hold back when there's a confrontation. i hold back when theres a need to shout and cry. sometimes its good. sometimes its unhealthy. depends on the situation, really.

A lot of things happened recently. and i just had to hold back.

I can get affected when people dont understand our situation. petty, i know. oh well... you cant expect anything out of anyone. you see, i've been taught by a lot of situations, life situations that whenever something happens, it all happens for a reason. always. and before you blame others, take a look at yourself first, or at least the whole picture.

It is so easy to blame others, in other words, it's so easy to blame us. i just feel that one needs to look at the broader picture before one point fingers at others. one needs to know the entire full story before one could conclude what type of person the other one is. one needs to look at themselves first before blaming others. one has got to stop playing with sympathy cards and start living life, and be happy with what they have, and be happy with what others have. life is so so much than just blaming people, so that you can get away with things. life is so so much more than what happened in the past. life is what you have now, in your hands. its about living it now.

Circumstances have changed us.
We are now married.
Married isnt just living together. marriage is an institution. a sacret union between two. marriage is sharing, loving, caring, relying, trusting and everything else in between. everyone should resepct and honour and protect that. i am not just zaza. i am a wife and with that comes a lot of responsibilities as well. i've learnt some, and i will continue learning...

Circumstances have changed.
Our priorities are much different than before we were married.
We are now a family. we want and wish only the best things for our family. we want out son to grow up with values, strong values which comes from solid roots. we want him to be loved, sincere genuine love. any parent would protect their family with all their might. if one thinks we've turned dull and boring, well it's your shout. our priorities have changed. we're no longer enjoy the single life we once had. we now think of our families and our responsibilities. if that's what they call boring, i suppose we are then. but we're comfortable and happy with this pace of life. everyone moves and grows according to time. 

Circumstances have changed us.
We now live here. unfortunately for some, away from them. us being here unfortunately means things will be slightly difficult for them. sadly, some are not so encouraging as others.

Circumstances have changed.
And some people just refuse to accept and respect that.

But beneathe all that, i am still me. and Hardy is still Hardy, i'm certain. i am still the girl that everyone used to know. i am still very much grounded. i am still that malay girl who wears her favourite blue tana lawn baju kurung at home doing her chores and stuff. i still speak malay to my friends, i still remember where i come from, my roots are still very strong and i intend to keep it that way. the only difference is we are now wiser and we can see what happend in the past quiet clearly now and better ourselves.

Some people have the wrong impression of me. some people blame me instead of those circumstances. i suppose i've come to terms with it. well, i dont blame them. i just sympathize with them for not knowing the whole story and refuse to take the good in everything. i am living my life. grateful and thankful with every bit that i have.

Back when i was small, i've always been taught to be "pandai pandai". mum and dad would remind me ALL the time. when someone comes to our house, make yourself useful, go to the kitchen and make them drinks. "pandai pandai" pergi dapur buat air. you dont need to be told. 

Pandai pandai in english... it means... well - understood.

When something falls, pick it up, without having to be asked to. "pandai pandai" gi kutip, tak payah kena suruh.

If you see a mess in the living room, "pandai pandai" kemas. clean it up wihout having to be told to.

When you go visiting, "pandai pandai" bawak diri pergi rumah orang. behave when you're at someone else's home.

Now that i'm a wife and a mother, they'd always say "pandai pandai" jaga suami ngan Aidan. Take care of both of them..

Get where i'm heading? well, today, i've been told that not everybody knows the term and knows how to "pandai pandai".  do you? ;)

I practise a lot of "pandai pandai"!! :) when i make a bowl of maggi curry for Hardy, i pandai pandai put a tissue next to it, just incase his nose gets watery!

When i see Hardy's bag downstairs and i know he wants it upstairs, i "pandai pandai" bring it upstairs for him. doing him a favour so that he doesnt have to carry it himself.

But being too overly "pandai pandai" sometimes doesnt help too! haha!! you just need to know the boundaries. and that's very very important.

Now, i have to "pandai pandai" brush all those things off. and "pandai pandai" deal with it and not be affected by it anymore!!

Life is full of challenges. some gets them early, some will face them slightly later in life. some are fortunate than others while some struggling to deal with it. its important to be a pair. a pair of husband a wife. where both compliment each other. hardy says i think with my heart most of the time. i think he's right. its nice to get a balance when one has a better half.

Thank you. thank you for checking up on me. for all your genuine love and concern, for those emails asking me to write. next post is going to be a cheerful one, promise! sorry for the very long silence. i just had to "go away" for a while and live life!

Always, i thank you for reading. and as always, sending you all my love! promise it will be a cheerful post next time!

A Goodbye to a Good Man

The remaining quarter of 2008 passed by pretty fast, dont you think so? december's been pretty hectic for me and the last couple of weeks of december was an emotional one.

I prepared a few gifts for our closest friends for Christmas. some i managed to get them out, and some i didnt. i should really be much more organized next year.. but one special gift, and a special wish was specially for our next door neighbour, the de Vries.

Their house was so quiet since i was stuck indoors with the bug. i did notice that there was less action goin on, no cars going in and out. the blinds in their living room are all the time shut. we normally waive to John from the car or when coming home from ourwalks. but the shutters were down. John and Angelie havent been out walking as well. we havent waived nor have we been saying hellos to any of the de Vries for quite a while.

I have bought another 4 packets of lemongrass for John. knocked on their door but there wasnt an answer. i could sense that something was wrong. a couple of days just before christmas, Rob, their youngest son had told us that John was brought to Leuven Hospital for some complications almost a week ago. the same time i was down with my flu bug.

My spirits went stright down. i went all quiet.

As usual, every christmas eve, we'd always get something for them. we told Rob that we'd pass it for his next visit, which was suppose to be on christmas day. he said that John would want to rest that day (on the eve) and ask for the boys to come on christmas day. we heard them going out that night and didnt see them coming home till the next morning.

On Christmas morning, we woke up and checked if any of their cars are still at home. Hardy went quickly to their house to send the presents to the de Vries. Hardy came home with a numb and sad look on his face. he then broke the news to me gently.

Just after midninght, in the early mornings of Christmas day 25th of December 2008, our dear neighbour, our good friend John de Vries passed away.

I couldnt control my tears.

He was a good man. a very good man. he fought hard. the last month passed by so quickly. and the last time i was with John i remembered we were laughing and smiling. that's how i want to remember him, always. he had been incredibly nice to us. he had been more than welcoming to us. he was like a father figure and he'd always on the look out for us. i will always remember meeting him for the very first time. he was one of the reasons why we bought the house. John was one of the kindest, nicest, warmest, bravest man that i know. we love him dearly and we will miss him and his jokes so so much.

It must be hard on Angelie. i can only imagine how she's feeling. she's been such a rock since John's diagnosis. i honestly, trully admire her. she still smiles her normal smile. she still cares about other things. she's been so so strong throughout. she's unbelievable.

When you're new to a country, you'd want that sense of comfort. you'd want to be and feel safe, you'd want to have the right company, trustable people around you, you'd want to be welcomed. i felt every bit of that from John and his family. i feel so honoured to have gotten to know him.

I'm a very emotional person, and i dont take these kindda news too well sometimes. especially to those who have left such a big impact in my life. seeing his van next door is still difficult for me. Aidan calls out for John everytime he sees the van and everytime he calls for John, i'd cry. i'd have a lump in my throat everytime we mention him. he was such a good man.

Last couple of days, Angelie dropped by. and just before she left, she said something that will always make me smile, and smile even wider when i think of John. she said John loved us. loved us very much.

Here's to John, thank you so much, from the bottom of our hearts for your beautiful friendship, support and love. you've been nothing but wonderful to us. we will always remember the things you have said and stories you have shared with us. your stories, your jokes, your smile and our fond memories together will always be in our hearts. we will miss you.

I just didnt have the mood to blog since. i havent even been checking my emails. i wanted to put up a post wishing happy holidays to all but that and with some other news i needed to feel better first. I sincerely hope and pray that all of us will have a better year, filled with lots of happiness, joy, good, fun and fond memories and of course good health. thanks guys for reading. i'll upload some winter photos for us to smile soon! i'm off to get meself a box of tissues now and enjoy our white scenary form our window!

R & D

R

Rain

Rest

Run

I've had plenty of those lately. plenty of rain for the past week. not much fun but i was stuck indoors anyway! i've had plenty of rest (wait till you read 'D') and plenty of run! run? well, Run is my favourite song this winter, undoubtedly. the tune, the tone is just right (for me) to listen to it again and again and again in this gloomy weather with me being 'D'!

D

Down

Demam

Dreadful

Those 3 are the reasons why i've been quiet. it is absolutely dreadful and at times, yes, i wish i could run from it all. the bug seems to be spreading really fast and to almost everybody! i told myself that i cant let it run in me but it did somehow despite my strong fighting will. i was flat, and poor Aidan had to make do with his monday and tuesday without any painting, crafting, racing and peekabooing with mama. hardy was away but i managed to pull myself back up, especially when you hear "sayang mama"..

I'm getting there. i'm getting stronger. now RECOVERING AND DELIGHTED!

Iwill leave you all with this year's winner of the x factor (the show i've been following every year since Will Yong won it!). her single's definitely gonna be a christmas hit! what a story for this girl! no more x factor nights from this week on *sigh*....

Alexandra Burke - single
Alexandra Burke - my favourite week of hers

My boys are still sleeping. it's half past seven in the morning and yes, i'm up! it is still dark outside and guess what? its raining. dont think we'll be having a white christmas this year. i'm late on our christmas cards, i'm going to continue writing and hopefully will get more out today. i'd better start on those cards before Aidan wakes up!

Cheerio!

Whiter Days

It's pretty cold here. we woke up to some snow showers, temp was -1 this morning and then i came up to 3c but it felt like it was still -1! very thick frost on our car windows, it is certainly winter!

This was the amount of snow we had a couple of weeks back. certain parts reached up to 6 inches. everything was white, it was simply beautiful. hardy and i went out for a snowball fight and we almost slipped several times. who won? yeah.. yeah.. and so he won... we came back feeling cold but content!

Anyway, i've just had a beautiful day with my son today. he's been incredibly good since Hardy left on his business trip last week. and so i've rewarded him with a trip to toys r us. we love browsing! we didnt get anything though. i'm currently teaching him how to browse! haha... we went on those mickey rides, aeroplane rides... about 5 of them all together. and strangely, he didnt want me to put any money in! i think he's beginning to have some dutch qualities in him! (which is not bad at all!)

We did this slightly before dinner and it is now up on our front windows so that the first thing papa will see when he gets out from the cab is his son's work, welcoming him home. as usual, everytime when hardy's away, it's always a good mother and son bonding session/period. and i couldnt be prouder.

I've just put him to bed and just before i kissed him goodnight, i whispered to him, thank you aidan, for a beautiful day! i had soooooo much fun. and what did he say? he said "welcome". my heart melted and i was full of awe.

Thank you, thank you all for the anniversary wishes. i shall now get my beauty rest and warm hardy's socks as he's coming home in the morning! great! now i have someone to cuddle and keep me warm in this freezing weather! we so need to go out for our anniversary dinner.. or perhaps i should cook something special for him.. (on second thoughts...nah... he had too much for the past week! we'll go out! this time my shout!)

Sleep tight everyone... i'm gonna watch pride and prejudice for the hundredth time and will probably cry for the hundredth time...

Better Half

The past 3 years have been simply wonderful. it's been a journey. an amazing, beautiful journey. the things that we've been through together since we got here 3 years ago have pulled us much much closer. (boy! have we been through a lot!)

I've learnt more and more to be a wife without losing my own self. i've learnt how to love even more. i've learnt how to appreciate even more. i've learnt how to tolarate even more. i've learnt to be patient even more. i've learnt to share and smile even more. i've learnt when to step in and when to just sit back and observe. i've learnt to be even more supportive and understanding. i've learnt to be more positive. i've learnt to be more forgiving. i've learnt to be much calmer. i've learnt to take things lighter sometimes and be less serious. i've learnt to be stronger. all this, with still being myslef.

I've learnt more and more of the term 'better half'.

Now, i dont just plan to say it, i plan to live up to it. i shall try with all my heart and all my might!

Here's to us. 3 amazing, wonderful years anyone could ever wish for. he is indeed my better half. 

Still rooted, grounded..

Still wangi...

Still as bubbly and sparkly...

Still as sweet...

... and still solid

I'm now gonna wipe my tears and wish you all, all the love in the world. for i truly am grateful, thankful beyond words for this one. (H, get your ass back here quick! ;) safe trip home.. love you more than you can imagine).

The Simplest Thing

I am incredibly touched by those who had left us such wonderful words in our last post. I am grateful for all the suggestions. i feel so connected to all of you with your stories.  i wish i could give you, each one of you a big huge hug.

A lot has happened since my last post and our brave and amazingly strong neighbours are still fighting this great fight. on the other side of things, i've come to terms with some people being not on the same wavelength as us. i've come to terms to those who have the wrong perception towards us. i've come to terms with those who just cant stop talking about other people. i've come to terms with those who just refuse to see there's more things in life than just them. i've accepted them all. 

I am handling it as wisely as possible. and yes, i'm still handling Holland (and life, for that matter!) and i'm loving it!

Life is bigger than conflicts, life is bigger than material stuff, life is bigger than what others have, life is bigger than what other people think of you... sometimes you just have to look at life's simplest pleasures.. the little little things you get to see everyday... like this for example!

I lead a very simple life here, believe it or not. and we intend to stay living our simple life for as long as we can. Life is what YOU have, and how YOU make the best out of it.

Captured these pictures while on our way to the UK. this was taken in France, before we reached the Eurotunnel. I think they are simply gorgeous. how often do we stop and appreciate this? i appreciate life, i appreciate love, sincerity and everything that we see with every each passing day.

This is life. this is my life. me being such a softie, a whimpy mum and wife.. i sometimes cry looking at my two boys together. enjoying their time in their own special fluffy white duvet, somewhat like the clouds huh?! ;)

It makes me feel like i'm on cloud 9!

Have a wonderful, beautiful weekend everyone.. no more clouds, we shall now enjoy the snowy weather..

Z

What Do You Say...

What do you say when someone talks bad about you?

What do you say when someone utters hurtful words to you?

What do you say when people judge you based on what others say?

and...

What do you say when someone very dear to you's been told that he's got a couple of months to live?

Well, everything in life is a choice. You can lash out to those who talk bad of you and your family, you can certainly confront them, you can give them a taste of their own words, you can take it up to the next level and which will probably cause an argument, or, you can say nothing.

There are all types of people that makes this world, and i dont expect everyone to be the same. to me, my parents are one of the two most patient people in the world, alongside Hardy. we have had so many people talk about us, our family. it gets to me, up to a point. and to be honest, i cant help but to think that God had 'saved' us from all those by sending us here. well, at least it eases a little bit. 

I dont know their reasons for doing so. but what i do know is that we're true to ourselves and our beliefs. we're taking care of our family and ourselves and minding our own business. we are grateful to have amazing friends and we're grateful that we're living our lives.

It hurts, of course. but somethings are better left unspoken. somethings are better left unsaid. there's really no point of justifying everything to everybody.

What my parents had taught me was, think before you say something. if it can cause hurt and damage and will create anger, think again. i am seen to be the most soft hearted person by my husband. how soft hearted am i? well, i cried to Obama's speech when he won the election. that's how soft i can be! and i'm not even an american!

Now, back to those questions.. what do you say? what would you do?

Here in Holland, we're so lucky to have wonderful neighbours. the de Vries family are the closest people to us here. it's great to be able to trust somebody when you're still new to the country. they are the type of people whom you can trust to leave your keys with, whom you can always count for help, whom you can always sit down and have a chat over a cuppa tea and some vlaai... they're the type of neighbours whom you can always joke with and rely on... always.

John has his own workshop and is his own boss, while wife Angelie is the co owner of Aidan's playschool.

There was this one occation where Hardy was away and i had no bike, and so i decided not to send Aidan to playschool. they are the type of people who'd go beyond their routines to help us. John would rather not go to work and send and fetch Aidan from school. Angelie would do the same. every season we would get at least a gift from them. they'd always give Aidan something, presents and cards, books and toys.. and of course we would do the same for them and bring them back at least something from where we've been. the least we could do...

Last 4 months have been very tough on the whole family. it's been tough on us as well seeing them almost everyday. John has been diagnosed of Cancer. you can imagine how it has affected us. i cried the whole week and i just couldnt bring myself to see him. it was all a sudden. and the results are not on our side. the doctor said he has a few months. 

Took me a while to grab hold of myself before i could see him after the news.

They went for a second opinion. and still, the results are not good. i've ran out of words to say to him. and so now, i chose to say nothing but let my actions say it all.

But there was this one thing that i whispered to him as i hugged him before he left for Leuven. i said to him - so, ok, your organs are failing, but one thing still remains good is your heart. you are a strong, good man.

I guess what i'm really trying to say (and tell myself here) is to stay positive. stay hopeful. stay positive, no matter how hard it is. stay positive no matter how many evil voices there are in your head (and out there!). h0peful - hopeful it will all turn out good, hopeful those people will change, hopeful they wont talk bad about you and your family, hopeful they wont judge me anymore, hopeful they will mend their ways, hopeful they will change the way they think. 

Saying nothing doesnt mean you're not hurt. saying nothing doesnt mean you've lost the so called fight. saying noting doesnt mean you're wrong. saying nothing doesnt mean you dont care. it is staying true to yourself, your beliefs and what you feel and deem is right. 

We read that lemongrass can kill cancer cells. we buy them for John twice a week since we heard the news, in hope that it kills all the bad cells. i hope John will live to battle out the cancer. i hope John will stay positive and hope he will enjoy the rest of the days. 

I am hopeful for so, SO many other things. and  i thank God for keeping us, my family, my parents healthy and well.

Have a good weekend everyone. thanks for always hopping by to read! 

Z

Its Been a While ey?

  

 

I have been spending lots of quality time with Aidan lately. he is now in a different stage and to be honest, i have never felt so comfortable and confident being a mum, like how i'm currently feeling. he's much more independent yes. sometimes i do struggle. but most importantly, i enjoy every second of it. he's more of a companion for me now, we talk, we joke, we strike conversations, we cook, we fold (clothes), we clean (mostly his mess)...

I am however very strict with routines and my do's and my dont's. and the best bit these days, he can be asked to do things, he listens and understands, and he knows his please and thank yous! (i'd better stop bragging!)

I am seriously setting some ground rules and pilling those concrete foundation. hopefully he'll have good solid roots, so that i'd feel much safer and have tonnes of confidence before i let him 'fly'.

It is just pure joy, beyond words just by looking at him and watch him play on his own and doing his own thing. he is now at a stage of imagining, in his own world. both Hardy and i are often amazed with the things that he can do, and our faces would beam with proudness. 

Lin (my new friend from Paris) once asked me, how does it feel to be a mother? i answered her in one word - Proud. 

I think i'm made for this. i'm made to mother. i'm defintely not made to study (unlike my brainy sister), i'm definately not made to work behind a desk in an office (the only desk i'm made for is my craft desk!).. i am made to mother, and i mother almost everyone!

Anyway, it is now autumn, it's getting cooler and almost all the leaves are gone. i wanted to snap some good shots of autumn but so far, i managed to get only one. this one's my favorite. taken just outside our home, on our driveway. autumn's beautiful, but sadly, the night will become longer thus, we would have lesser sunlight during the day. but every season has its own charm. 

I'm off to finish unpacking. our surprise UK trip for my sister was a success! we had a brilliant time, although i wish we could stay longer and spend more time with all and visit some of our closest friends and relatives.. hopefully next time.. 

I dont know about you, but i have a theme song for every season! and this year's autumn, i am currently in love with 'No Air'. a nice song to listen to on the background when you're on your sofa, both feet up, with a hot drink in your hand and watch those leaves fall!

Enjoy both versions! i'm off to mother Hardy now that Aidan's asleep! he.. he.. have a great week ahead everyone! 

No Air - David Slides

No Air - Boyce Avenue

Our Autumn In Paris

We're back from Paris and i've been swamped with housework and orders (read here if you're interested!). it was a 4  (5 including stops!) hour ride from the calm, small town of Sittard to the ever buzzing busy city of Paris!

This was our 3rd time together in Paris since we moved here. first time was in spring, being 5 months pregnant, we went to Rolland Garros, the second time was with my parents last year in winter and now, in Autumn. every season has it's charm. but one thing's for sure, Paris is still as busy as ever!

But he did it again! YES Hardy did it again! if you're not a parisien, two things you need when you drive in Paris- a lot of guts and tonnes of confidence. it was absolutely MAD! roads are fairly small compared to the roads we have here in Holland and to top it off, almost everyone's beating the lights, and they have BIG huge roundabouts and then, somehow you'd have to stop in the middle of the roundabout, and zebra crossings every 100mtrs not to mention those bravehearts cyclists on their bikes to watch out for! GOSH! thank god we stopped at the services just before we got into Paris! i'd sure pee in my pants if my bladder was full!

In the middle of a traffic jam with cars honking at each other, in the middle of a roundabout, one car decided to call for the police who was standing probably 30mtrs away, and asked for directions! and when the lights turned green, everyone was at a halt, anxious impatient drivers then started to honk and gosh, pure madness! one thing about driving in holland, people dont honk! but hey, this is Paris we're talking about!

Anyway... if you do plan to drive in Paris, get a 4th or 5th hand car (not second! even! no! well depends how badly damage it already is!). i noticed almost every car has at least a scratch! and here we are driving our big fat estate car! and dont let me even start on parking! this is how they park...

Do i need to elaborate more?! oh, i take it back, you will need 3 things if you want to drive in Paris, not 2 - guts, confidence and a 4th/5th hand car! hehe.

Now, to a more calming story and more calming pictures...

I brought Aidan to this park near our hotel. we spent a good 2 hours there. such colourful people from all around. a lady who sat next to me offered me to share her lunch, i even made friends with an american guy with his son. both sighed in relief cause we dont speak a word of french apart from bonjour and au revoir! i had a brilliant time with Aidan meeting the people that makes Paris Paris!

Since we already did the whole Eifel Tower, Notre Damm and Champs-Elysees bit last winter, we decided to give it a miss this time. my main visit to Paris this time is to meet this one person whom i've been talking a lot to for the past half a year. you know sometimes, you can just tell a person just based on how they talk (or perhaps i should say type!). we shared our stories and i somehow feel very close to her since we started chatting. 

I was right. we hit it off right away. she's friendly, warm, funny and humble and just pure genuine. i can relate to almost everything she's going through right now - the big change! she is one tough one, a very nice person to talk to and a wonderful company to be with, a wonderful cook and a loving person, she's great with Aidan. both Lin and her french husband Mokhtar was just like us 3 years ago. 

They invited us to their lovely home and Lin cooked us the best sambal tumis udang in Europe! and yes, let us not forget about the formage! we had a lovely time, even Aidan enjoyed himself finishing up almost half a plate of tempe we brought for them!

The next day, Lin brought us to Jardin du Luxembourg. we love parks and gardens and what a way to spend a day enjoying the sun at the most beautiful garden i've ever been to! the weather was really REALLY nice throughout the duration we were there. 21c, too good to be true for October! the garden is breathtakingly beautiful. it is so french with lots of statues and monuments, almost like an open air museum. 

We had a lovely time, and i'm glad i finally get to meet Lin. she'll always be special to me, just like a younger sister. and after our days in Paris, i can say this, i had a wonderful family dinner eating Japanese with my boys, i had a wonderful mother and son day at the park with Aidan, and i had a wonderful meeting with Lin. and i wouldnt wanna swap that with any other stuff in Paris, not even the best crepes in the whole entire city of Paris!

Thank you Lin & Mokhtar.  thanks for the wonderful meal, the chocolate cake, the cheese, gifts for Aidan and a start to a lovely friendship! 

Our Humble Raya

Our Raya was just a simple one. Raya here in Holland was on Tuesday, a day earlier than home. we only knew about it before going to bed that Monday night. i almost went into panic attack as i wasnt ready with all the stuff to make our little family Raya feast. i was so confident that it will fall on Wednesday!

I know i've said that i wont fuss about Raya, but i'd still want my house to smell like 'Raya' (if you know what i mean). Hardy then reminded me that there's nothing to panic, and suggested we'd go out and have dinner instead!

No way i'm gonna let my boys eat sushi on Raya!

Hardy had to go for a meeting in Germany on the first day of Raya and so Aidan and i continued with our initial plan to make cookies for papa (cant seem to find the photos, but will upload later). it went well... in the beginning! until Aidan poured more and more flour into the dough! there goes our chocolate chip cookies (sigh). we did everything together, from bringing out the ingredients to measuring and mixing. showed him the entire process and told him after he wakes up from his nap, the cookies will be done, out from the oven! it was so much fun asking him to stir and mix! we had less than 10 of them. 1 for aidan (he only had one, probably now he knows the consequences of pouring more flour into the mixture!) and the rest, mama and papa kongsi! (shared). we ate them all, with proudness written all over our faces and in our tummies regardless the texture!

A week before Raya i asked Hardy what should we cook. He said kuah kacang, nasi impit and lodeh would be awesome! since he'll be busy for the rest of the month, we decided to postpone his famous laksa till further notice! first time lucky! everything was edible!! i'm pretty pleased with myself!

The next morning was so busy, busy on the phone from morning till midday! calling most of our families and close friends. calls, calls.....

 and more phone calls!

And last weekend, we went to our friend's Raya gathering at Eindhoven. and it was such a pleasant surprise to meet almost everyone there! cooked ayam percik and had the most delicious rendang in holland! 

Received Raya cards and even duit raya for Aidan! i must reply soon to thank each and every one of you. i just need a little bit more time! but sincerely, thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Will be packing... leaving for Paris tomorrow.  i havent even blog about our Czech holiday, and now we're leaving again! oh gosh, where did September go!! time flies SO fast!

Just like most families, we had our family picture taken as well. all dressed up in Baju Kurung. and i'm sure you can tell the theme colour just by looking at Aidan's!

Anyway, how was your Raya?

P.s: I will, i will reply to comments/emails (ranee, you're on top of my list! perhaps we should swap numbers!). 

Selamat Hari Raya

This is my 3rd Raya here, in the Netherlands, but probably my 8th time spending raya out of Malaysia. yes i do miss home especially this time around, with all the food you can get, and meeting most family members (mostly crazy wicked cousins), i miss going to my best friend Yoyo's house and have leftovers.. i miss the sound of fireworks at night, and the raya songs they play on the radio, i miss the smell of raya (if you know what i mean) - the smell of new curtains, new paint, cookies and cakes in the oven...

But eversince we got here, we havent been really focusing much on raya. 

To us, now that we're all grown up and pretty much slightly (and hopefully) wiser, raya is not all about food. raya is not all about new things in the house, new clothes, new shoes and what we're gonna wear. raya for us is to be thankful and grateful and most importantly, raya is all about giving and forgiving.

If i have ten hands, i'd send all of you a card. but with everything that's been going on lately, i only managed to make less than half of what i intended to make! we posted our cards, couple of weeks back and hope they have arrived. with or without a card, one thing is for sure, we wish the same for everyone.

I wish everyone will enjoy their time together. i wish everyone a safe journey, and since its all about giving and forgiving, this is what i could give and wish for all of you, i ask for yours, and i give you my forgiveness, and i also wish you all the love.

 

To all our friends and families who always hop by to 'visit' us here, 

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

To Aidan

The way you came into the world was just simply different than anything else (ask papa the whole story!)

All  i can say is, before you were here, I would die for you..

This is trully, the miracle of love.

You were the tiniest thing i ever decided to put my whole life into.

As i stood and watched you sleeping, the moonlight kissed your face.

My heart is overwhelmed with your beauty and your grace.

How precious and so delicate is your tiny little hand

And the sweetness of your lips and eyes is nothing less than grand

Your spirit and your softness ternderly sets my heart aglow, with a love so deep and infinite that only a mother could know.

So tonight i count my blessings for my darling, Aidan dear, for surely God did hear my heart and answered every prayer.

10 tiny fingers ready to play

10 tiny toes dancing away

2 tiny hands to hold from the start, and

1 precious smile that touches my heart..

Yummy

Yummy

Yummy

I've got food in my tummy!

Little boys are awesome blessings,

filled with imagination and fun.

Their charm is magic and energy abounding,

until the day is done

Before you were born 

I dreamed of you,

I imagined you,

I prayed for you..

Now that you're here,

I hope for you,

I love you,

 and i thank God for you

Happy 2nd Birthday Aidan!

A Busy Body

Been down with a bad flu, had a bad fall (a rather funny story!) and been busy as a bee lately!

This is currently what i have on my plate, lots of sweet stuff! Aidan's gonna be 2 this Sunday! will share the end results of this entire mess soon...

Promise will reply most comments..... and promise to write about Czech... will write again soon guys, thanks ever so much for hopping by!

Fijne weekend! till my next post!

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is one special month for me. I have had wonderful months of fasting for the past years. my business always kicked in during the months of Ramadhan, Aidan was born slightly before the month of Ramadhan, we moved into our new house in the month of Ramadhan, i've met wonderful new friends during the months of Ramadhan (Juan of Sapura & k.Liza of Lubis to name a few).

Here's something i thought i'd share during this fasting month. its quite a personal one.


I moved to KL wanting to start a new life some 5 years ago. had a shop with a business partner but after the first year, it went downhill. i then went on my own. a few offers came in wanting me to join their companies but i decided to go on my own. it was very slow but i didnt give up. lucky for me, my business doesnt involve loans from banks and other institutions, but myself, and of course with the support of my parents. it then got to a stage where we were running dry.

One day just slightly before Ramadhan, i called my parents up for financial help. told them i wanted to make Hari Raya Hampers (back then it was at its peak). but there was something in mum's voice, and i knew something was wrong. they had sold off our second car and then i just knew that i couldnt ask for more from them. at that time both of them worked extra hard in finding extra money, dad helps a friend in a business venture and mum sells her necklaces and her oter crafts. but i could sense things are not looking so bright.

At that time, i felt like i'm the most useless daughter int the world.

Car-less, and pockets all drained, i had to walk to get to where i wanted to go. by then it was 1st and 2nd days of Ramadhan. cracked my head as to how i should do this without having to put any money up front. scouted for other people doing the same thing. i worked so hard till i almost forgot that i was fasting. i could still remember the first days of Puasa where i had to walk in the rain to get food, and i was all alone. i was sure most people by that time were already in front of their dining tables full of food and colourful drinks, waiting for the azan to break their fasts. i had to walk during azan. and it was a good 25 mins walk and coming back from the stalls, a car drove by and hit a big puddle and i got really drenched! got back to the apartment and i cried and cried. one thing about me is i simply hate to ask for favors from anybody. yes, i'd rather get drenched!

I then prayed like i've never prayed before. asking God if He could help me help my parents. i prayed, and i prayed hard. i can still remember that day when i cried to Him for help. i knew what i wanted to do, i trust myself and i believe in myself so much and have every faith that what i intended to do will succeed.

After a lot of convincing, moneytory help came in and so i could then extend the business more (to which i am grateful for). i worked my pants off during that whole month. other offers started to pour in during the same month. and i was travelling KL-JB back and forth like crazy (i've made friends with all the bus drivers!). i just couldnt cope (which was good!) and by that time, i wished i had more than 10 hands, i wished there were more than 24 hours a day and energy that could last me for life without having to sleep!

Relationships matured and one soured (for some reasons till today it puzzles me) during that month of Ramadhan. but i stayed very focused and brush the negativities aside. i knew what i was doing, and i stayed true to my words and beliefs. my relationship with my parents really matured during this time, we had fun helping each other out and it was simply a blast. i could have never have done it without them plus 2 most dearest, most beautiful friends one could ever have, Lenny and Yoyo.

That whole year was full of exciting ventures. the next Ramadhan we went full swing! Rezeki started to pour even more.

I'd never thought i'd make it this far. to which i'm very proud of. i'd never thought that other people had faith and trust in me. a bonus to see them smile whenever they see the stuff i made. everything was dipermudahkan. my prayers were answered.

the last batch before saying goodbye

2 years later, i met Hardy. got married and moved out of Malaysia, for good! it is a shame to leave everything behind just as things are picking up and bigger plans were made. but it was all for the better. definitely!

I miss those days. i miss being extremely busy! those difficult days meant a lot to me. i'm proud of what i did, how i did it. it all started with one wish. one niat - which was to help mum and dad.

Ramadhan is the best month, it pulls you so so much closer to God. it made me stronger, much much stronger. One thing that struck me was, Alhamdulillah, even without a car, even when there's no more shop, even when i'm without a soulmate, minus all the digits in our bank accounts, we worked hard and we were very happy.

Syukur, with just the basics, minus the pasar ramadhans (though i miss it), we're still able to fast till today, and most importantly, we're all fine now.

I am now helping a couple of people who i feel are in the same boat as i was back then. i'm helping them from here, afar. i've helped them before but how i wish i'm actually there so that i could help more... its difficult, yes, but i'm gonna give it my best shot!

Ramadhan al Mubarak to all muslims, my friends.

In Memory

It was 2 years ago. and i can still remember his voice. a very humble boy, just a boy. he helped us to build our home.

I can still remember him talking to Hardy about the renovation. i can still remember him knocking down our old walls with his bare hands. i can still remember him doing the plastering of Aidan's new room and laying down the bricks for our kitchen and dining extention. i can remember it all well.

He left without even seeing our home, now all done up. he left before i could even cook him a malay meal as i had promised. he left without even finishing his final year degree in construction, he left us suddenly. but he left peacefully.

I am extremely thankful and grateful to him for all his effort and his time. 2 years. 2 years had passed. and our home would not be a home without his help.


As i prayed with Hardy last night in our room, i thought of him, and how hard he worked for our house, to get it all ready before Aidan was born. that place where he stood is now our office and my craft room, and that's the exact place where we now pray. we now spend most of our time there, in that room, which once used to be Aidan's.

To Geoffery, we didnt thank you enough. but we hope you know how grateful we are to you. you're missed, i'm sure. but we want you to know, you're remembered, by us. always. in memory of you, we planted an apple tree in our garden! thank you, thank you so much. may you rest in peace Geoffery.

Zaza, Hardy & Aidan

**more on what actually happened, click here**

Fabulous Finds

This is the closest thing that we can get to a real 'pasar'. i LOVE the market! we get our supplies of fresh fish almost every saturday, and i normally get our fresh flowers to add some colour to our home whenever we're at one.

There's tonnes you can find at the market. i love to scout for rare finds (most of the time i'm unsuccessful). but i get some kind of a thrill from just browsing!

Just when people back home in malaysia are sighing and complaining of the rise of the oil prices and everything else, over here, i am so thankful that we can still afford to buy a great bunch for just 5 euros! just look at the the veges and fresh fruits! and what this particular store was offering was:

2 avocados

2 boxes of roma tomatoes

2 papayas

2 sweet mangoes

1 gala melon

1kg mandarin

2 whole salads

FOR just 5Euros! yes! 5 euros for all the above!

... and this was what i found recently! hortensia cards and envelope set of 5 brand new and some crochets and handkerchiefs for my crafts! what luck!

This is it for now guys, we're now at Czech Republic, our last holiday for this summer! there's simply too much to share and write, i wish i have more time!! take care everyone!

A common sight.. and something a little bit uncommon..

In summer, this is a common sight on the roads in the netherlands. i think almost 45% of the dutch owns a caravan and almost 99.9% owns a bike. the facilities for holiday makers with caravans and bikes are endless here in holland. we have yet to try it though!

Oh, and see if you can find anything odd in these pictures! guess where!

True

Remember i wrote about how frustrated i was, not being able to meet my bestest of best friend yoyo in Barcelona? well, we did meet! we managed to meet up after we got back from our Barcelona trip, and after yoyo's done with her tour of Spain. we met during her transit back to Malaysia at Schiphol airport, Amsterdam.

Everytime i talk about her, speak to her, she'd bring tears to my eyes. i honestly miss her. we've come a long long way. she knows me in and out, through and fro. she defines a true friend and in her i find so much sincerity and love. she's the type of friend who'll be there for you, regardless, she's the type of friend who cares simply too much, she's the type of friend who's willing to sacrifice her time to just make you happy.. and if there's one pair of shoes left at the store (we're the same size) or if there's only one handbag left and we both love it, and we both want the exact same one so so badly, she's the type of friend who's willing to let go and let you have it! the list goes on and on. she never questions you, she never bring things up, she gossips (when needed!), she looks at the bright side of things, she calms me down, she balance me off, we're simply ourselves when we're together.. she's trully amazing.

I was in a very bad state once, very very bad state. she (of course alongside others), was there for me. let me say it again - she was REALLY there for me. she listened to every whining, every moaning patiently. as much as she wants me to get better, she allowed me to be myself and just simply do the things that i wanted to do. she held strong and stayed positive for me. we've been through thick and thin together and i can never repay her for that.

Having someone like her in my life makes me even more complete. yeah, of course the distance is there, we dont call or text each other every day, but deep down, we both know the bond is still there and will always be there. nothing has changed apart from both living on different parts of the world.

Now that you have a child, you wish for only the best for him. i pray and hope Aidan will be surrounded with sincere people. sincere people who will make him into a better person. Aidan would be extremely lucky if he has a good friend like mine! i hope he will know the real meaning of a friend.

At the end of the day, it doesnt matter how many friends you have, but what matters most is what kind of friends you have. i trully love yoyo to bits and i trust her with all my life.


After almost 3 years of not seeing each other, that day, we met for only 4 hours. how i wish it could have been longer. but 4 hours of giggles, hugs, catching up was worth the 4 hours journey to and from our home. we sobbed uncontrollably at the gates as we waived goodbye and i was quiet half the journey back to Sittard.

I love hear dearly, and i miss her every single day... and if i can have one wish right now, i wish she could have all the best things in life, for she trully deserves it!

I hope we dont have to wait for another 3 more years to see each other! anyway, i'm gonna wipe off my tears and call it a day now... another day where i wish my close, best friend's here...


Z