Tuesday, 22 April 2008
I feel like hugging each and every one of you. i wish i could thank you all in person. not only you've brighten out my days with each comments, but the concern and care that you've showed was trully overwhelming.
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
Some days are better than others. some days are harder than usuals. some days are slightly more challenging then normal days... and that day was yesterday.
It started off ok. just like any other day. we got up, got Aidan ready for school, went down for breakfast, got in the car, drove Aidan to school, went to the Post Office, and then i came back home. spoke to mum on the phone. and by lunch time, fetched Aidan back from school. after that, i find it hard to breathe. i couldnt take a full breath. there was like these needles, loads of needles poking me in my tummy and waist and my chest was very tight. it then got worse. i felt the pain when i caugh, when i sneeze and even when i laugh.
Hardy called during his transit at Brussels Airport from Milan. i told him of my condition. he was rushing to catch his next plane to Birmingham and i could hear him being worried. of course i didnt want to make him worry even more, i woudnt want to be a cry-baby. i then put up a brave voice, and let the stronger side, the positive side prevail.
After dinner, it got really bad. the pain was more intense. Aidan was already asleep by that time, so i continued replying most of my mails and comments. but by that time, it was unbareable. i took a few asprins and tried to lie down on the bed. but it was such a struggle even to lie down. i couldnt move, the pain then spread to the back of my right shoulder. i then began to sweat and felt hopeless. i was trying to think of what might be the cause but just couldnt even bother coz the pain was really getting to me. Hardy rang as soon as he reached Birmingham, and not only that i was in pain, i was in tears as well. i just couldnt take it. i finally broke down. and that's when he said, " i'll catch the next plane back home."
I was tired, sleepy and in pain. my son was asleep and my husband's away. i'm pretty sure everyone of our friends were asleep too. i struggled the night and somehow i managed to shut my tired eyes. waking up almost 4 times during the night. Aidan's napping now, but i dont sleep during the day. so tonight, i am in need of quality rest and sleep.
This is the thing with me, i am at times very stubborn, i think of too many people and too much. i said no to Hardy wanting to call me a doctor, i said no to Hardy wanting to call our friends and neighbours, i said no to Hardy coming home early, and this morning, i said no to Hardy asking me to go to our doctor. all with multiple reasons as to why i didnt want to.
I then told myself, if i can pull off a 24 hour labour, i should be able to pull THIS off! i just had to be strong coz Aidan needs me when he wakes up. i kept praying for the pain to go away.
Being away, far far away from people whom you trust and love is not really nice. we have a great life here, syukur, we do. we have wonderful friends (maybe not many but the ones that we have are good wonderful people) and lovely, beautiful, caring neighbours. most of my friends back home kept telling me - isnt it wonderful to be away from hectic Malaysia, away from gossips, away from those busybodies who talk about you and always comparing you with others (especially with my past!), it must be nice to live away from it all.
I kept saying, " it is nice, yes. but always, there's a price to pay with almost everything. God is fair." it sometimes can suck! big time! missing warung saga's nasi ayam goreng, tip top's ikan bakar, halal burger king... and just take last night for example! but without having to go through pain, there wouldnt be brighter days.
At the time of pain, i wished Hardy was next to me, i wished Mum and Dad were here, i wish Kakak and Redza were here, and i really wish Dr. Chng, our family doctor in JB were here (i wish i could trust the dutch doctors, i have had bad experiences with them and lost almost all my confidence in the dutch medical profession).
I am now feeling much much better. still hurts when i try to take deep breaths. but not as bad as yesterday. Hardy's coming home in a short while, cant wait! i normally cook something up when he comes home, but i dont think i'll be doing so this time (i wish warung saga is just around the corner), but i hope he's still looking forward to coming home minus the food!
It was just one of those days...(i hope...). so there you go guys, shows that you just cant have it all... be grateful, always.
Thursday, 10 April 2008
Today was our date with the ducks. it was a beutiful day, 15c with the sun out shining.
Bread please mama....
Have a great weekend everyone! Enjoy the weather, wherever you are!
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
Phone was busier than normal days. and the doorbell was busy than normal days too! thanks a bunch for all the phonecalls, text msgs, deliveries, presents and flowers (you know who you are!). but apart from that, i had a not-s0-busy, actually quite a relaxing weekend.
I told Hardy that, it's just a normal day and lets not make a big fuss over it. to which he replied - you're my boss this weekend! he did almost everything around the house that day and that weekend, without me asking him to. such a sweetheart. but anyway, the morning was spent just the two of us. Aidan went to school for 4 hours and his mama and papa had a good stroll holding hands just like the old days before they began pushing a stroller. fetched aidan at school and had the whole school wish me a good day. we then had our lunch and brought Aidan to an indoor playhouse. we went shopping for lights for our living and dining room and then off to sittard square for my birthday dinner.
I'd take it as he had fun at the restaurant despite the lack of sleep/nap he had that afternoon.
Thank you guys, thanks so so much for the birthday wishes. you're all just too kind. i'm overwhelmed. there's a card just for you guys here!
Here's to good health, good hearts, good life and good friendships! thanks once again!
(p.s: papa bear and mini bear, i had loads of fun. thank you both so very much! i love you boys with all my heart and soul, more each day)
Mama Bear a.k.a Zaza
Friday, 4 April 2008
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
You know, opportunities like this doesnt come often. we consider ourselves very lucky to be here. and yes, with that, there are some goods and bads, there are advantages and disadvantages. and we're taking them in. all of it. Aidan kept on looking out of the window and calls out "papa" at 5ish or so, coz that's normally the time when Hardy comes home from work. i can feel he misses him. for me, it can be lonely too at times, especially at night, that's when we watch telly together, we talk and talk and have bedtime stories (let it be politics or plain gossips - to which Hardy doesnt participate!). but for sure, one thing good is, when Hardy's away this long, i can lose some kilos!
Toasts, mushroom soup, maggi mee, sardines for the past 4 days for dinner! its not much fun eating on your own, of course there's Aidan but... still..! and as for Hardy? well with all his hard work, his time travelling, he gets to enjoy sushi, t bone steak, mc donalds (halal mc donalds is luxury for us!) ... and not just that, he gets to enjoy the view on his 34th floor hotel. he gets to see half of Riyadh and make new acuaintences.
Hardy's been working too hard lately. sometimes i worry, but most of the time i'm happy. busy means good! today's gonna be a very important day for him. nervewrecking i'm sure (i'd probably pee my pants off!) but what an opportunity! an opportunity we should be thankful for!
So here's to papa, we hope you'll read this in the morning..
You'll surely shine papa.. Good Luck! we're very proud of you, hope all goes well and we'll see you at home later!! hugs and kisses: Aidan & Mama.
He's coming home and we're going to have a feast!