Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Looking Back

How often do we smile looking back at the things we've said and done? its surely nice to laugh about it sometimes. some will remain unpleasant, i must admit, but lets leave all those behind, chucked at one corner and stamped "done and dusted"!! some are happier moments.

The most important thing is to think of happy things, happy thoughts, create new beautiful memories and cherish them always!

I've been feeling nostalgic lately.. been looking at most of our old photos, photos since we got here and then i saw this one photo! and i just had to share this with you!

It was quite difficult to adjust ourselves when we first got here (or maybe it was just me.. hardy went off a flying start). the first month we learnt dutch from the supermarket! looking at everything, reading all the labels, trying to put everything all in our heads... we found some common names, some quite similar to english like rijst (rice), boter (butter) and a few others. some malay/indonesian words as well kitjap (kicap) and sate is sate, bami (mee/noodles).. it wasnt all that difficult. some were completely different - knooflook (garlic), champignon (mushroom)...

One day, hardy and i decided to try another supermarket. not the one we normally go- Albert Heijn. we went to Aldi instead. Aldi is a discount supermarket where their stuff are priced lower. they dont decorate or line the items on the shelves. they are all on pallets and in boxes.

So off we were with our trolly, to scout for some stuff and see what was new at Aldi. i saw a white clear bottle, with white liquid in them, plenty of them on the pallets, each labelled "AZIJN". i said to hardy, "ok, we need some mineral water... lets get a few"... hardy pointed to the bottles and said "ok, lets get these!" he then added 2 to our trolly and after a few steps, i turned back and said "i should drink more, ambik lebih lah!". added another 2 and off we went... paid for the stuff and went next door - to Albert Heijn.

We got some veges, eggs, bread and milk. we walked passed the aisles and saw some herbs and spices. and next to them were these clear bottles of white water, marked similar to the ones we had just bough at Aldi - AZIJN! hang on.. why didnt they place the mineral water at the drinks section? hardy then said "i think we just got ourselves 4 big bottles of vinegar!!"

Lucky we didnt drink them!

Hardy says i'm naive. i can be quite gullible sometimes. there was this one time, we bought ourselves a kebab each and stopped next to River Maas. sat in the car while enjoying the view. there were a few boats parked by the side. it had a sign. the sign said "COFFEESHOP". i saw a lot of people walking into the boat and said to hardy "this place must serve good coffee! so far more than 10 people walked into the boat dah! maybe we should go minum after this". hardy laughed and said "do you know what coffeeshop is here in holland?" well, i know that coffee shop sells coffee that's for sure!

He then puts his hand on my cheek and said "aallaaaaa sayanng!" and had this huge grin which turned into a huge giggle! coffee shop here is a place where people smoke marijuana! my eyes then went wide open and so was my mouth!!! "REALLY?!?! i didnt know!!!"

I know there's a lot of it here. i know its legal here. but i didnt know they had shops for it! so open!

Well, now i know! now, everytime when i see the shop sign "coffeeshop", i smile! i'm much smarter now you know! ;) haha... really!

I smiled... smiled looking back at all those mements and pictures. hope my son will smile at everything just as sweet as this when he looks back at all the things he said and done, later in life!

Friday, 20 March 2009


Hardy's closet filled with fresh, crisp shirts!

And look who's been playing with Oma's beads!!

Look who's been reading and keeping him company!

Yes, oma and opa are here! I now have a couple of loving, gentle extra pair of hands and watchful eyes!

We celebrated my dad's birthday yesterday (read here if you want to see what i did for him). and now off for a short early spring break to Mossel, Germany. here's sending you guys warm wishes, plenty of fun and laughter and tonnes of happiness. have a lovely beautiful weekend everyone!


Saturday, 7 March 2009

Understood Circumstances

I've been meaning to write. and that's the truth.

It was such a roller coaster late last year and towards the beginning of this year. the 3 of us are fine and healthy. alhamdulillah. but there are just certain things that really affected me and made me think, ponder for a little while. 

Its so easy to sit down and write when you're angry, upset and hurt. best is to keep a journal, and NOT an online journal where everyone can read your thoughts! it will all then be a different story and i will only generate bad karma, bad vibes and create netagivities. most people use their blogs to let go of some steam. i dont intend to do that. and so i just had to wait till i'm in the right state of mind before i start typing again. i kept myself busy in the meantime, busy with all my crafty bits, taking it up to another level insyaallah, and taking care of my family. you see, this blog is quite personal. this blog is very close to my heart. so i thought i'd better wait and heal myself first. then write. hoping it will all make sense later..

Most of us have gone through quite a bit in life. i'm not going to compete with any of you on that. my fair bit in life had taught me to hold back in a lot of things. i hold back on replying to rude remarks, i hold back when there's a confrontation. i hold back when theres a need to shout and cry. sometimes its good. sometimes its unhealthy. depends on the situation, really.

A lot of things happened recently. and i just had to hold back.

I can get affected when people dont understand our situation. petty, i know. oh well... you cant expect anything out of anyone. you see, i've been taught by a lot of situations, life situations that whenever something happens, it all happens for a reason. always. and before you blame others, take a look at yourself first, or at least the whole picture.

It is so easy to blame others, in other words, it's so easy to blame us. i just feel that one needs to look at the broader picture before 
one point fingers at others. one needs to know the entire full story before one could conclude what type of person the other one is. one needs to look at themselves first before blaming others. one has got to stop playing with sympathy cards and start living life, and be happy with what they have, and be happy with what others have. life is so so much than just blaming people, so that you can get away with things. life is so so much more than what happened in the past. life is what you have now, in your hands. its about living it now.

Circumstances have changed us.
We are now married.
Married isnt just living together. marriage is an institution. a sacret union between two. marriage is sharing, loving, caring, relying, trusting and everything else in between. everyone should resepct and honour and protect that. i am not just zaza. i am a wife and with that comes a lot of responsibilities as well. i've learnt some, and i will continue learning...

Circumstances have changed.
Our priorities are much different than before we were married.
We are now a family. we want and wish only the 
best things for our family. we want out son to grow up with values, strong values which comes from solid roots. we want him to be loved, sincere genuine love. any parent would protect their family with all their might. if one thinks we've turned dull and boring, well it's your shout. our priorities have changed. we're no longer enjoy the single life we once had. we now think of our families and our responsibilities. if that's what they call boring, i suppose we are then. but we're comfortable and happy with this pace of life. everyone moves and grows according to time. 

Circumstances have changed us.
We now live here. unfortunately for some, away from them.
 us being here unfortunately means things will be slightly difficult for them. sadly, some are not so encouraging as others.

Circumstances have changed.
And some people just refuse to accept and respect that.

But beneathe all that, i am still me. and Hardy is still Hardy, i'm certain. i am still the girl that everyone used to know. i am still very much grounded. i am still that malay girl who wears her favourite blue tana lawn baju kurung at home doing her chores and stuff. i still speak malay to my friends, i still remember where i come from, my roots are still very strong and i intend to keep it that way. the only difference is we are now wiser and we can see what happend in the past quiet clearly now and better ourselves.

Some people have the wrong impression of me. some people blame me instead of those circumstances. i suppose i've come to terms with it. well, i dont blame them. i just sympathize with them for not knowing the whole story and refuse to take the good in everything. i am living my life. grateful and thankful with every bit that i have.

Back when i was small, i've always been taught to be "pandai pandai". mum and dad would remind me ALL the time. when someone comes to our house, make yourself useful, go to the kitchen and make them drinks. "pandai pandai" pergi dapur buat air. you dont need to be told. 

Pandai pandai in english... it means... well - understood.

When something falls, pick it up, without having to be asked to. "pandai pandai" gi kutip, tak payah kena suruh.

If you see a mess in the living room, "pandai pandai" kemas. clean it up wihout having to be told to.

When you go visiting, "pandai pandai" bawak diri pergi rumah orang. behave when you're at someone else's home.

Now that i'm a wife and a mother, they'd always say "pandai pandai" jaga suami ngan Aidan. Take care of both of them..

Get where i'm heading? well, today, i've been told that not everybody knows the term and knows how to "pandai pandai".  do you? ;)

I practise a lot of "pandai pandai"!! :) when i make a bowl of maggi curry for Hardy, i pandai pandai put a tissue next to it, just incase his nose gets watery!

When i see Hardy's bag downstairs and i know he wants it upstairs, i "pandai pandai" bring it upstairs for him. doing him a favour so that he doesnt have to carry it himself.

But being too overly "pandai pandai" sometimes doesnt help too! haha!! you just need to know the boundaries. and that's very very important.

Now, i have to "pandai pandai" brush all those things off. and "pandai pandai" deal with it and not be affected by it anymore!!

Life is full of challenges. some gets them early, some will face them slightly later in life. some are fortunate than others while some struggling to deal with it. its important to be a pair. a pair of husband a wife. where both compliment each other. hardy says i think with my heart most of the time. i think he's right. its nice to get a balance when one has a better half.

Thank you. thank you for checking up on me. for all your genuine love and concern, for those emails asking me to write. next post is going to be a cheerful one, promise! sorry for the very long silence. i just had to "go away" for a while and live life!

Always, i thank you for reading. and as always, sending you all my love! promise it will be a cheerful post next time!