Saturday, 7 March 2009

Understood Circumstances

I've been meaning to write. and that's the truth.

It was such a roller coaster late last year and towards the beginning of this year. the 3 of us are fine and healthy. alhamdulillah. but there are just certain things that really affected me and made me think, ponder for a little while. 

Its so easy to sit down and write when you're angry, upset and hurt. best is to keep a journal, and NOT an online journal where everyone can read your thoughts! it will all then be a different story and i will only generate bad karma, bad vibes and create netagivities. most people use their blogs to let go of some steam. i dont intend to do that. and so i just had to wait till i'm in the right state of mind before i start typing again. i kept myself busy in the meantime, busy with all my crafty bits, taking it up to another level insyaallah, and taking care of my family. you see, this blog is quite personal. this blog is very close to my heart. so i thought i'd better wait and heal myself first. then write. hoping it will all make sense later..

Most of us have gone through quite a bit in life. i'm not going to compete with any of you on that. my fair bit in life had taught me to hold back in a lot of things. i hold back on replying to rude remarks, i hold back when there's a confrontation. i hold back when theres a need to shout and cry. sometimes its good. sometimes its unhealthy. depends on the situation, really.

A lot of things happened recently. and i just had to hold back.

I can get affected when people dont understand our situation. petty, i know. oh well... you cant expect anything out of anyone. you see, i've been taught by a lot of situations, life situations that whenever something happens, it all happens for a reason. always. and before you blame others, take a look at yourself first, or at least the whole picture.

It is so easy to blame others, in other words, it's so easy to blame us. i just feel that one needs to look at the broader picture before 
one point fingers at others. one needs to know the entire full story before one could conclude what type of person the other one is. one needs to look at themselves first before blaming others. one has got to stop playing with sympathy cards and start living life, and be happy with what they have, and be happy with what others have. life is so so much than just blaming people, so that you can get away with things. life is so so much more than what happened in the past. life is what you have now, in your hands. its about living it now.

Circumstances have changed us.
We are now married.
Married isnt just living together. marriage is an institution. a sacret union between two. marriage is sharing, loving, caring, relying, trusting and everything else in between. everyone should resepct and honour and protect that. i am not just zaza. i am a wife and with that comes a lot of responsibilities as well. i've learnt some, and i will continue learning...

Circumstances have changed.
Our priorities are much different than before we were married.
We are now a family. we want and wish only the 
best things for our family. we want out son to grow up with values, strong values which comes from solid roots. we want him to be loved, sincere genuine love. any parent would protect their family with all their might. if one thinks we've turned dull and boring, well it's your shout. our priorities have changed. we're no longer enjoy the single life we once had. we now think of our families and our responsibilities. if that's what they call boring, i suppose we are then. but we're comfortable and happy with this pace of life. everyone moves and grows according to time. 

Circumstances have changed us.
We now live here. unfortunately for some, away from them.
 us being here unfortunately means things will be slightly difficult for them. sadly, some are not so encouraging as others.

Circumstances have changed.
And some people just refuse to accept and respect that.

But beneathe all that, i am still me. and Hardy is still Hardy, i'm certain. i am still the girl that everyone used to know. i am still very much grounded. i am still that malay girl who wears her favourite blue tana lawn baju kurung at home doing her chores and stuff. i still speak malay to my friends, i still remember where i come from, my roots are still very strong and i intend to keep it that way. the only difference is we are now wiser and we can see what happend in the past quiet clearly now and better ourselves.

Some people have the wrong impression of me. some people blame me instead of those circumstances. i suppose i've come to terms with it. well, i dont blame them. i just sympathize with them for not knowing the whole story and refuse to take the good in everything. i am living my life. grateful and thankful with every bit that i have.

Back when i was small, i've always been taught to be "pandai pandai". mum and dad would remind me ALL the time. when someone comes to our house, make yourself useful, go to the kitchen and make them drinks. "pandai pandai" pergi dapur buat air. you dont need to be told. 

Pandai pandai in english... it means... well - understood.

When something falls, pick it up, without having to be asked to. "pandai pandai" gi kutip, tak payah kena suruh.

If you see a mess in the living room, "pandai pandai" kemas. clean it up wihout having to be told to.

When you go visiting, "pandai pandai" bawak diri pergi rumah orang. behave when you're at someone else's home.

Now that i'm a wife and a mother, they'd always say "pandai pandai" jaga suami ngan Aidan. Take care of both of them..

Get where i'm heading? well, today, i've been told that not everybody knows the term and knows how to "pandai pandai".  do you? ;)

I practise a lot of "pandai pandai"!! :) when i make a bowl of maggi curry for Hardy, i pandai pandai put a tissue next to it, just incase his nose gets watery!

When i see Hardy's bag downstairs and i know he wants it upstairs, i "pandai pandai" bring it upstairs for him. doing him a favour so that he doesnt have to carry it himself.

But being too overly "pandai pandai" sometimes doesnt help too! haha!! you just need to know the boundaries. and that's very very important.

Now, i have to "pandai pandai" brush all those things off. and "pandai pandai" deal with it and not be affected by it anymore!!

Life is full of challenges. some gets them early, some will face them slightly later in life. some are fortunate than others while some struggling to deal with it. its important to be a pair. a pair of husband a wife. where both compliment each other. hardy says i think with my heart most of the time. i think he's right. its nice to get a balance when one has a better half.

Thank you. thank you for checking up on me. for all your genuine love and concern, for those emails asking me to write. next post is going to be a cheerful one, promise! sorry for the very long silence. i just had to "go away" for a while and live life!

Always, i thank you for reading. and as always, sending you all my love! promise it will be a cheerful post next time!


Luth said...

Such a long post. I enjoyed reading. I don´t have any idea what´s going on but I wish you all the best in everything you do in life :)

Take care,


Anonymous said...

Zaza.. not everyone knows what ur going through and have gone through. I can understand why some people are like that. They are insecure and cannot be happy for anyone else. From what I have read in ur blog, I think I know what type of person u are. You are very soft inside and have a big heart. I am very happy you came back blogging after ur long silence. Que sera sera Zaza and let them be. Most important is that u are happy....... Just my two cents....

Mia said...

I am just so happy you've started writing again!


nina said...

yeah, zaza is back... rindu la..
hey btw, chat with me on ym when u see me there.. ada new news, not really new, re-visit news..hehehe...

Aishah said...

Dear Kak Zaza,

Sometimes, people just don't jolt out from their complacency like others do!

Here's a poem to make you feel better, and to make those people "pandai-pandai faham"!hehe.

"Everything you do has a quality which comes back to you in some way.
..Accept the results of what you've done in anger,
or for greed,or to elevate your ego.
Don't blame Fate!
Be suspicious of yourself!
Inquire bout your hidden motives.
It takes courage to repent,
and more courage to change.
But realise this, just as dust grains shine,
in sunlight coming through this window,
so there's a light of reality, within which ideas,
hidden hypocrisies and the qualities of every action becomes clear.
All you've done and will do will be seen in the light of that Sun.
-by Rumi.

With love,

shasha_zamlis said...

Hi dik,
Glad that you're back. My heart reaches out to you my dear. A lot of times in life, circumstances are mostly misunderstood. Misunderstanding is usually amongst people who are close to us or are used to our presence or people who are used to us agreeing with them and becomes emotionally hurt or annoyed when we decline.
But it's your life n family, thus it's your priority. Just do whatever you feel is right and truthful.
I know u're the type of person who is very soft spoken, nice, thoughtful n responsible and mostly full of love n kindness. Just be yourself, don't let other people judge you k? Sometimes u can't help it but to guard your priorities we must at times be a little selfish to keep our sanity.......Welcome back n look fwd to reading ur blog again....Cium aidan banyak2.
Hugs n kisses, Kak Shasha
P/S: I still get that "pandai-pandai" phrase from my mum even after 4 kids:P

anzed said...

well done for being able to hold back! it takes a lot to b able to sit back n ride thro the choppy waves but well worth it in the end, so i keep telling myself:) life is a continuing journey of experiences. take care,hun! did u go 2 the choc museum in koln?

farah said...

2 months gone before u posted this entry Zaza! :)

I can't feign understanding of what you're (or you've been) going through but I agreed with u on 1 issue - marriage changed us, our lifestyle, our priorities, our behavior so much so that I sometimes wonder why everything is changing so...but I've come to realize that all those time I'm wondering quite happily actually and knows that if I could turn back d time, I'd change nothing!

Hoping d future will shine ever so brightly for you & your family :) esp lil' Hardy (well, not so lil' anymore :)

Tk care there ok!

Anonymous said...

" beautiful hearts.. beautiful mind.. you have." (A.Tay)

Fion said...

glad to see u r bck here... :)
take care..

Anonymous said...

I'm one of your silent readers Zaza. So happy you are back writing. I was scared you might not want to write again. I look forward to you posts everytime and was sad you "went away". Looking forward to pictures of Aidan and your travelling again. Do take care.

Noreen said...

Hey girl,

I so hear you about people making judgments w/out knowing the full story-- but I like your attitude and I WILL ADOPT IT TOO! No self-pity for me, yang lain tu pandai2 la faham, yek?

I can't imagine people would be mean to you and Hardy, you're the last to deserve it! I know only the tip of the iceburg of what you guys went through in recent years (as well as the happiness and joy), and you have my immense respect for how you both are such grounded people.

oh well, here's a virtual hug from Den Haag, let's try to make it a real hug soon, ok?


Laracroft74 said...

helloo...finally you're back.. ican see everyone is so happy to see you again..yeahh... i do understand your situation.. hope you are okay now and ready to share all the fun and interesting moments of your life in the other side of the world..we look forward to that...i love the way you practise the 'pandai pandai' but sometimes kan...we cant show so much of pandai2 to our dearest... nanti every single thing they expect you to do when they know that they can actually do it themself..

m just a woman n a mom said...

hi zaza.. m one of ur silent readers. i dont really know wat exactly had happened, but i think i can predict.. but maybe my prediction is wrong, thus i dont think i will write it here. anyway, hope u can be strong n calm.. thru my reading, i guess u are a calm n nice lady.. hope u can make it thru any obtacles and challenges in life.. life is always like this.. sometimes u'll be happy, somtimes u'll be sad, n sometimes u'll be hurt.. watever it is, m wishing u well.. n take care!

Diva PariTs said...


emly2175 said...

whatever u are going through currently, may u be strong and given guidance from Him above always.

Pasal 'pandai-pandai" tuh, I only have one comment on it. All parents should teach that value to their children. And sad to say not all parents especially those yg born from 1960's onwards, teach this value to the children.
Akibatnye, pi rumah orng pun tak tau nak pandai-pandai ringankan tulang di dapur..

toughcookie said...

i'm with you on you living your life. people will always judge but in the end, they don't live your life. so, too bad.

girl, i've been so busy and have not had time to go blog-hopping but i also realised that you have not updated for quite awhile. hope everything is good.

take care, ya!

shud said...

salam hai kak zaza..
i guess the word 'pandai-pandai' nih runs in the blood of johorean kot..hehheh
coz mum being a johorean mmg slalu pakai terms nih wth me..yerpp even at the age of 30 mum nags me wth this words
seriesly i long to read ur writings..kindda miss them actually ;D
i dont follow much blogger, only those i find my type or forte will eventually taken a place as my fave .
hope u stay strong over there in a foreign land yaa kak zaza, wishing u the best of luck , byk kesabaran dlm menghadapi dugaan
take care

Anonymous said...

Za, hope all is well despite whatever you've gone through earlier. mmg susah nak live up to other people's expectations, more so to change their perception. we just have to be who we are and trust that we will not change for worst. i share the same with you to enjoying my time with my family, i got criticize for being plain and boring. but, it's just how i prioritize life now. cheer up! hugs,yaya.

Ms Red Hat said...

A well written piece that is full of insights zaza. I think I could relate to most of the situations that you described quite well though our scenarios might be different. I am the type who always speak up if i feel that i have been misjudged but as i grow older i just suppress my feelings trying my best to avoid any confrontations as i value peace and harmony and relationship. But it hurts so deep at times listening to all the insensitive ocmments when my husband and i decided to migrate. As you said when we are married life changes for the better but we still remain the person that our friends and family always know. zaza you are a strong woman with a great heart and great values. Insyallah zaza allah will always bless you and family.

Love from the kangaroo land

land mail said...

be strong and keep writing! :D