Understood Circumstances

I've been meaning to write. and that's the truth.

It was such a roller coaster late last year and towards the beginning of this year. the 3 of us are fine and healthy. alhamdulillah. but there are just certain things that really affected me and made me think, ponder for a little while. 

Its so easy to sit down and write when you're angry, upset and hurt. best is to keep a journal, and NOT an online journal where everyone can read your thoughts! it will all then be a different story and i will only generate bad karma, bad vibes and create netagivities. most people use their blogs to let go of some steam. i dont intend to do that. and so i just had to wait till i'm in the right state of mind before i start typing again. i kept myself busy in the meantime, busy with all my crafty bits, taking it up to another level insyaallah, and taking care of my family. you see, this blog is quite personal. this blog is very close to my heart. so i thought i'd better wait and heal myself first. then write. hoping it will all make sense later..

Most of us have gone through quite a bit in life. i'm not going to compete with any of you on that. my fair bit in life had taught me to hold back in a lot of things. i hold back on replying to rude remarks, i hold back when there's a confrontation. i hold back when theres a need to shout and cry. sometimes its good. sometimes its unhealthy. depends on the situation, really.

A lot of things happened recently. and i just had to hold back.

I can get affected when people dont understand our situation. petty, i know. oh well... you cant expect anything out of anyone. you see, i've been taught by a lot of situations, life situations that whenever something happens, it all happens for a reason. always. and before you blame others, take a look at yourself first, or at least the whole picture.

It is so easy to blame others, in other words, it's so easy to blame us. i just feel that one needs to look at the broader picture before one point fingers at others. one needs to know the entire full story before one could conclude what type of person the other one is. one needs to look at themselves first before blaming others. one has got to stop playing with sympathy cards and start living life, and be happy with what they have, and be happy with what others have. life is so so much than just blaming people, so that you can get away with things. life is so so much more than what happened in the past. life is what you have now, in your hands. its about living it now.

Circumstances have changed us.
We are now married.
Married isnt just living together. marriage is an institution. a sacret union between two. marriage is sharing, loving, caring, relying, trusting and everything else in between. everyone should resepct and honour and protect that. i am not just zaza. i am a wife and with that comes a lot of responsibilities as well. i've learnt some, and i will continue learning...

Circumstances have changed.
Our priorities are much different than before we were married.
We are now a family. we want and wish only the best things for our family. we want out son to grow up with values, strong values which comes from solid roots. we want him to be loved, sincere genuine love. any parent would protect their family with all their might. if one thinks we've turned dull and boring, well it's your shout. our priorities have changed. we're no longer enjoy the single life we once had. we now think of our families and our responsibilities. if that's what they call boring, i suppose we are then. but we're comfortable and happy with this pace of life. everyone moves and grows according to time. 

Circumstances have changed us.
We now live here. unfortunately for some, away from them. us being here unfortunately means things will be slightly difficult for them. sadly, some are not so encouraging as others.

Circumstances have changed.
And some people just refuse to accept and respect that.

But beneathe all that, i am still me. and Hardy is still Hardy, i'm certain. i am still the girl that everyone used to know. i am still very much grounded. i am still that malay girl who wears her favourite blue tana lawn baju kurung at home doing her chores and stuff. i still speak malay to my friends, i still remember where i come from, my roots are still very strong and i intend to keep it that way. the only difference is we are now wiser and we can see what happend in the past quiet clearly now and better ourselves.

Some people have the wrong impression of me. some people blame me instead of those circumstances. i suppose i've come to terms with it. well, i dont blame them. i just sympathize with them for not knowing the whole story and refuse to take the good in everything. i am living my life. grateful and thankful with every bit that i have.

Back when i was small, i've always been taught to be "pandai pandai". mum and dad would remind me ALL the time. when someone comes to our house, make yourself useful, go to the kitchen and make them drinks. "pandai pandai" pergi dapur buat air. you dont need to be told. 

Pandai pandai in english... it means... well - understood.

When something falls, pick it up, without having to be asked to. "pandai pandai" gi kutip, tak payah kena suruh.

If you see a mess in the living room, "pandai pandai" kemas. clean it up wihout having to be told to.

When you go visiting, "pandai pandai" bawak diri pergi rumah orang. behave when you're at someone else's home.

Now that i'm a wife and a mother, they'd always say "pandai pandai" jaga suami ngan Aidan. Take care of both of them..

Get where i'm heading? well, today, i've been told that not everybody knows the term and knows how to "pandai pandai".  do you? ;)

I practise a lot of "pandai pandai"!! :) when i make a bowl of maggi curry for Hardy, i pandai pandai put a tissue next to it, just incase his nose gets watery!

When i see Hardy's bag downstairs and i know he wants it upstairs, i "pandai pandai" bring it upstairs for him. doing him a favour so that he doesnt have to carry it himself.

But being too overly "pandai pandai" sometimes doesnt help too! haha!! you just need to know the boundaries. and that's very very important.

Now, i have to "pandai pandai" brush all those things off. and "pandai pandai" deal with it and not be affected by it anymore!!

Life is full of challenges. some gets them early, some will face them slightly later in life. some are fortunate than others while some struggling to deal with it. its important to be a pair. a pair of husband a wife. where both compliment each other. hardy says i think with my heart most of the time. i think he's right. its nice to get a balance when one has a better half.

Thank you. thank you for checking up on me. for all your genuine love and concern, for those emails asking me to write. next post is going to be a cheerful one, promise! sorry for the very long silence. i just had to "go away" for a while and live life!

Always, i thank you for reading. and as always, sending you all my love! promise it will be a cheerful post next time!