Tuesday, 11 August 2009

After Nearly 4 Years

We decided that this year would be THE year. the year we'd go back to Malaysia. Hardy and i left Malaysia almost 4 years ago, almost right after we got married. our wedding day was also the day we said goodbye to all of our family and friends. we left so many things behind.
I left Malaysia with the feeling of wanting to start a new life. completely new. a lot of things happened a couple of years prior to the wedding (and even during my wedding!). there will
always be a crowd of people that you'd want to avoid having contact with (i'm sure most of you'd share the same feeling too if you know what i had to go through), and all i wanted was to have a happy, healthy, good and balanced life with my husband and my family.

I will not speak on my husband's behalf. but like most people, we all had our past.

It was our chance. our chance to lead a new life together and so we left the country with only the good intentions (and with just a couple of suitcases). and after nearly 4 years, its time to go back home for a visit. yes of course i was all excited. i was so looking forward to eating thosai, satay and nasi dagang! but if i may be honest, i was more nervous than i was excited.

I was sad to leave our home, our comfortable, calm routine behind for 5 long weeks. i was nervous of the long flights, how will Aidan be on the plane... how would some people react towards us, will they welcome us or will they just ignore (not that we've done anything wrong!). i was nervous. happy but nervous. i didnt know what to expect (silly, i know!) but i hoped for the best.

Flight was good. it was our first time travelling with Emirates. everybody was very friendly and the inflight entertainment was first class! Aidan enjoyed himself and all of us really enjoyed the food. those beautiful stewardess all wanted to kiss Aidan but he was so shy.. only one managed to kiss him on his cheek! Aidan didnt sleep at all during our first half of the flight. we treated him to a cold icy drink at Dubai airport's starbucks during transit, and just before the plane took off to Singapore, he dozed off!

I remember crying as the plane took off from Dusseldorf. and i remember holding Hardy's hand as soon as we landed in Singapore, again crying. it was this one feeling that i just cannot describe. we left Malaysia with just a couple of suicases almost 4 years ago, and now we're back together with our son!

A lot has changed. but some havent changed even a bit. the roads have been broadened. new buildings, we also saw some old familiar shops.. still there.. and as we sat in the car with my trustable and wonderful nephew Faizal telling me all the changes in JB, in my heart, i was praying - i just hope some people have changed for the better...

We reached my parents house and that picture of them welcoming us to their new lovely home will forever be in my heart. always. both with open arms running towards us and the look on their faces was priceless. it was just way so special.

We hugged and we kissed. and then it was my turn to hug mum. she then broke down. she broke down like i have never seen before. rebah is the malay word for it. i then knew something was wrong but i also knew she was so happy to see us. a relief. i was just so happy that i was at the right place, at the right time- with my parents.

Dramas. of course we'd expect dramas and all. both our families had a few dramas going on! we had hoped it wouldnt be too much. but then again, we could only hope. how we just wish it will all end so that everybody can grow and live happy lives! i know its not that simple for some but trust me, if you want your life to be simple, it CAN be simple. during the course of 5 weeks, we had heard and come to know of so many unpleasant news- fights, arguments, sickness, divorces... some are beyond us. then it all got to me. it was a bit overwhelming. all a little bit too much. but we handled everything our way. the calm and quiet way.

The people. one of the main reasons why Malaysia is Malaysia (if you know what i mean!). i used pray wanting to have a life away from some people, after what they did to me and my parents. i guess God heard my prayers! scarry! some are still as before, ever so caring and welcoming. some have surprised me, some really moved me.. while some was just the same 'ol, same 'ol. we cant do much but to pray that they'll change for the better.

Most of our time in Malaysia was with the people that we love and care. 5 weeks on paper seems like a pretty long time. but trust me, it wasnt all that long! i didnt manage to see all my friends (hope they'd understand). but the ones that we managed to meet have left us with such a big impact (some better than others!). and so i've decided to write not just on our routes in Malaysia, but also about the people and what i've learnt from them.

Aidan's first trip to a pasar malam in JB while holding a malaysian flag,
Aidan with his headphone watching inflight entertainment (Dusseldorf-Dubai)
Aidan was kissed! (Dubai-Singapore)
Reunied- Aidan met opa and oma- a picture of pure bliss!


Anonymous said...

Nape balik tak jumpa i..hua..hua..sampai hati...:-)

Long distance fren

Anonymous said...

Dear Zaza,
I've been your silent reader all these while.Am amazed with your beautiful writing skill and 'the-sky-the-limit' talent of yours in handcraft.How my 2 kids wish that I have at least a pinch of your talent when it comes to helping them withtheir artwork!

This post of yours left me a lump in my throat not to mention some teary eyes. Yes, I do agree with you that sometimes families/relatives/friends do make us wonder on what life is all about. Its true what the wise says, when we're contented with life, every day will turn up beautifully,insyaAllah (at least it is for me, alhamdullillah and I'm pretty sure you're in His good hands too:-))

Keep on writing & churning those lovely crafts! Take care & hugs for little Aidan!


anzed said...

Hi!5 weeks is very short. m'sia unfortunately is m'sia.right now i am praying that we leave soon..even contemplated moving to nigeria or sakhalin!?! anyways, glad u had a good trip back home to m'sia. u take care!

Laracroft74 said...

hi zaza,

yeahh..5 wks sound very long but time flies very fast and of all you know you, it's already time to pack again. I can imagine how you feel when you haven't gone back for such a long time and whether people is going to welcome or ignore... you'll have all the mixed feelings.. but I'm sure your parents are the most happiest person on earth to see you back for the first time with your family.. and also for the first time their grandson step into their home... that must be one of their most wonderful moment!!

p/s your little charming Aidan looks so cute walking around the pasar malam with the Malaysian flag...

Anonymous said...

Zaza, i am one of your silent readers too. tak pernah tulis comment before this. your stories makes me smile, laugh and sometimes cry. best sgt baca. i understand when you said mcm nak lari dari msia. sometimes i feel the same way too. but i have to make the best of everything and syukur.

next time you balik msia boleh kita jumpa kalau you ada masa ye. nak sgt jumpa aidan and his mummy one day. thank you for sharing your stories. jangan lupa tulis lagi ye.


Anonymous said...

well written!
this entry make me smile n cry at the same time..
keep on writing ya :)

~a JBrian too~

Anonymous said...

ahh i loikkkke aidan's photo with the flag!! macam merdeka's advertisement pulak, kinds brings out the sentimental feeling. anyway, how's the pasar malam trip? i know if you could have tapau the 'air' would have done so kannn. u've always talked how much u missed them and how NL's missing the smell. hehehe. hang balik kejap noh, tak sempat nak jumpa pun *sulk*. tot u'd lasted till raya. tak sampai puasa pun rupanya. tak per la, always a next time. ada umur jumpa lah kita kan. selamat berpuasa za, hardy. hugs-yaya.

Noreen said...

Hey Zaza, Hardy and Aidan... how are you all? Miss you la, bila kita nak jumpa? Looks like you had a lovely time back home (in spite of the spiteful! so good for you!)

I've been trying to call you, but I lost your number when my phone died and didn't want to be resuscitated... so I think I've been calling an old number. bila ada masa, drop a note or call me, ok?

hugs and love,
Noreen (and Daniel)