Friday, 7 November 2008

What Do You Say...


What do you say when someone talks bad about you?
What do you say when someone utters hurtful words to you?
What do you say when people judge you based on what others say?
and...
What do you say when someone very dear to you's been told that he's got a couple of months to live?


Well, everything in life is a choice. You can lash out to those who talk bad of you and your family, you can certainly confront them, you can give them a taste of their own words, you can take it up to the next level and which will probably cause an argument, or, you can say nothing.

There are all types of people that makes this world, and i dont expect everyone to be the same. to me, my parents are one of the two most patient people in the world, alongside Hardy. we have had so many people talk about us, our family. it gets to me, up to a point. and to be honest, i cant help but to think that God had 'saved' us from all those by sending us here. well, at least it eases a little bit. 

I dont know their reasons for doing so. but what i do know is that we're true to ourselves and our beliefs. we're taking care of our family and ourselves and minding our own business. we are grateful to have amazing friends and we're grateful that we're living our lives.

It hurts, of course. but somethings are better left unspoken. somethings are better left unsaid. there's really no point of justifying everything to everybody.

What my parents had taught me was, think before you say something. if it can cause hurt and damage and will create anger, think again. i am seen to be the most soft hearted person by my husband. how soft hearted am i? well, i cried to Obama's speech when he won the election. that's how soft i can be! and i'm not even an american!

Now, back to those questions.. what do you say? what would you do?

Here in Holland, we're so lucky to have wonderful neighbours. the de Vries family are the closest people to us here. it's great to be able to trust somebody when you're still new to the country. they are the type of people whom you can trust to leave your keys with, whom you can always count for help, whom you can always sit down and have a chat over a cuppa tea and some vlaai... they're the type of neighbours whom you can always joke with and rely on... always.

John has his own workshop and is his own boss, while wife Angelie is the co owner of Aidan's playschool.


There was this one occation where Hardy was away and i had no bike, and so i decided not to send Aidan to playschool. they are the type of people who'd go beyond their routines to help us. John would rather not go to work and send and fetch Aidan from school. Angelie would do the same. every season we would get at least a gift from them. they'd always give Aidan something, presents and cards, books and toys.. and of course we would do the same for them and bring them back at least something from where we've been. the least we could do...

Last 4 months have been very tough on the whole family. it's been tough on us as well seeing them almost everyday. John has been diagnosed of Cancer. you can imagine how it has affected us. i cried the whole week and i just couldnt bring myself to see him. it was all a sudden. and the results are not on our side. the doctor said he has a few months. 

Took me a while to grab hold of myself before i could see him after the news.

They went for a second opinion. and still, the results are not good. i've ran out of words to say to him. and so now, i chose to say nothing but let my actions say it all.

But there was this one thing that i whispered to him as i hugged him before he left for Leuven. i said to him - so, ok, your organs are failing, but one thing still remains good is your heart. you are a strong, good man.

I guess what i'm really trying to say (and tell myself here) is to stay positive. stay hopeful. stay positive, no matter how hard it is. stay positive no matter how many evil voices there are in your head (and out there!). h0peful - hopeful it will all turn out good, hopeful those people will change, hopeful they wont talk bad about you and your family, hopeful they wont judge me anymore, hopeful they will mend their ways, hopeful they will change the way they think. 

Saying nothing doesnt mean you're not hurt. saying nothing doesnt mean you've lost the so called fight. saying noting doesnt mean you're wrong. saying nothing doesnt mean you dont care. it is staying true to yourself, your beliefs and what you feel and deem is right. 

We read that lemongrass can kill cancer cells. we buy them for John twice a week since we heard the news, in hope that it kills all the bad cells. i hope John will live to battle out the cancer. i hope John will stay positive and hope he will enjoy the rest of the days. 

I am hopeful for so, SO many other things. and  i thank God for keeping us, my family, my parents healthy and well.

Have a good weekend everyone. thanks for always hopping by to read! 


Z

18 comments:

Gipsy Momma said...

my prayers are with john & angelie .. hopefully they'll stay strong and fight till the very end.

dont mind abt those langau2 yg kepoh hal org.. this proves that u are much much better than them as u've got better things to do & to look up to in life! ;)

lotsa backrubs and hugsssssss from parits. mwahs!

-eleen

Akmal said...

Kak Zaza,
At times like this, hope is our best weapon, and it drives us forward.
Ya I heard that lemongrass can do wonders also. Anyhow, I would like to encourage you to support both of them is any way you can. It sure will help to know that he is not alone in the fight.

Laracroft74 said...

i'm so sorry to hear about john...i hope he will stay stronger and be positive to fight his cancer..btw, i've read an article about Mangosteen juice by Xango and in US, the doctors recognised this product and some of the cancer patients are free from cancer after taking the juice...

Laracroft74 said...

i'm so sorry to hear about john...i hope he will stay stronger and be positive to fight his cancer..btw, i've read an article about Mangosteen juice by Xango and in US, the doctors recognised this product and some of the cancer patients are free from cancer after taking the juice...

zuraida said...

zaza
you make me cry. :(
be strong ok!

love
k.zu

Ranee said...

I read once that Turmeric helps kills or prevent cancer cells. Turmeric can be bought in capsule form in the pharmacy or can be ordered online.

Last month I lost 2 people to death and was devastated. It is difficult to loose someone to death, be it friend, acquaintance or family. Somehow, these are the facts of life, a day to be born and a day to leave this earth.

As for yr neighbour, he'll be in my prayers.
Pls take good care of yourself,

sha said...

Hi Zaza,
I've been reading your blog anonymously. I'm Sabreena's cousin. (Yep, Sabreena, as in Aemir and Ameera's mum!)

He should try Bittergourd Tea as a cancer remedy. It is very effective in dramatically reducing cancer cells. I have relatives who have done this.

Not sure if you can find it over there...maybe at a Asian grocery store?

All the best,
Shareeda

Anonymous said...

Zaza
God is great, as what Gipsy Momma said don't worry of the langaus. Those are the results of jelously. I'm having the same here. We can't control them.
Take Care
Nik/SJ

comey_lote said...

doesn't matter if people badmouthed u, because at the end of the day u'll definitely happy and bersyukur that u're not the one who badmouthed people. I'm not just trying to say something nice that could calm u down but I've been there as well.

Read more about "self-hypnosis" maybe it could help your dear friend John.

Rita Ho said...

Hey Z ... I somewhat understand what you are going through for John as 2 of my friends have recently lost their battle against the dreaded C and another is going soon. I think we somehow find our own ways to deal with each situation. I've learned that there is no right things to say or do but be there when they need us, just like how you are with John.

As for those who slander, hurt and are quick to judge, nothing we say or do can change them. I used to let such situations affect me, but not anymore. We really cannot control what others think, feel or how they chose to act. These days, if their actions don't physically harm anyone, I let them be and focus on those who are true and dear to me.

My two cents, Z. I pun nanggis quite a bit this past year, so much so a friend warned me about contributing to the rain in Seattle!

Take care and I hope all your wishes come true for John. :)

Anonymous said...

I can't offer you anything but just hope and doas that John wins the battle. And for the loved ones around him to be strong as well. It's so sad reading your blog this time... yaya

Kmar said...

Just came across your blog and it is very interesting to read. You have ´magic hands´ with handycraft!

I am so sorry about John and really hope he will enjoy his life to the fullest(with God´s will). It´s hard but that´s life. Btw, I lost my MIL to ovarian-cancer 3 years ago (after 6 months of ´fighting´)and she was 57.

Just be yourself and take a good care of your own family. In my opinion, both of you are old enough to know what is right and what is wrong.

I am so impress that you CAN WRITE so many blogs with many interesting daily stories. You GO GIRL!!! Keep our life cheerish...

makcik qyra yg sedey said...

k.za...
sgt sedey ok bace u nye blog..i just lost one of my fren due 2 colon cancer..cian sgt..she's my age n she's got a 3 yr old daughter who yet 2 ustand anything bout life n now she has 2 cope with the loss of her mum..
but,i hope that John will make it through..sometimes in life u just have 2 be prepared 4 d worst..n just last week another fren of mine who is only a year younger than me was diagnosed with breast cancer 2nd stage...sob..sob..sometimes its scaring us but its just something u have 2 deal with whether u like it or not..
n bout ppl bitching behind ur back bout ur families..that's so normal in our community..kdg2 kite xwat salah pon org ckp mcm2 gak..biarla org wat kite..jgn kite wat org..those things yg derang ckp will definitely backfired..bukan nak mintak yg xbaik tapi that's just the way the world works..miss u n d whole bunch..love 2 aidan..geget him 4 me k..xoxo

emly2175 said...

Zaza, this entry reminds me of my late BIL who passed away wiithin 4 days after his 1st diagnosis of cancer. :( Be strong for John & Angelie k.. Be the best neighbour & freind that u have been to them ..

anzed said...

zaza hun!unfortunately we can't stop ppl's tongues fr wagging, its a disgusting human nature.
as for cancer, its not a nice disease at all.did oncology as my last job n have met the bravest ppl on earth. stay strong for them..sometimes just a smile n silent prayers means more than words. u take care!

shasha_zamlis said...

hi za,
my best wishes to ur dear fren john.....hopefully he will be able get thru everything with the help of a loving family n wonderful frens like you n hardy.....our prayers are with him.....
A lesson in life......do what you think is best for ur family irregardless of what other people may say. U determine the lives of your loved ones as u know them best. Kak Shasha selalu percaya, kita yang bagi makan keluarga kita sendiri bukan mintak duit org lain. Kalau kita susah, do they give a damn? Remember, always to believe in urself n not let other people dictate how u should live ur life.Loves, Kak Shasha

Aidan's mama & papa said...

touched. TRULLY am. touched by each and every single one of you.

John is not eating well. he has lost a lot of weight. we wait for the green light for him to continue chemo. i will update. whenever i feel down, i shall read what you guys have written. thank you, from the bottom of my heart - Eleen, akmal, laracroft, k.zue, ranee, sha, nik, comey_lote, rita, yaya, kmar, nana, emly, anzed, k.shasha.

sid haleza said...

salam sis,

i somehow coincident lak terbaca ur blog ni n terpaku 4 the whole night. Woww, u should publish a book my dear. I cried the whole night through as i read about ur friend john.
Stay the way u r sis since u already have good life with people u love....

Sid