The Simplest Thing

I am incredibly touched by those who had left us such wonderful words in our last post. I am grateful for all the suggestions. i feel so connected to all of you with your stories.  i wish i could give you, each one of you a big huge hug.

A lot has happened since my last post and our brave and amazingly strong neighbours are still fighting this great fight. on the other side of things, i've come to terms with some people being not on the same wavelength as us. i've come to terms to those who have the wrong perception towards us. i've come to terms with those who just cant stop talking about other people. i've come to terms with those who just refuse to see there's more things in life than just them. i've accepted them all. 

I am handling it as wisely as possible. and yes, i'm still handling Holland (and life, for that matter!) and i'm loving it!

Life is bigger than conflicts, life is bigger than material stuff, life is bigger than what others have, life is bigger than what other people think of you... sometimes you just have to look at life's simplest pleasures.. the little little things you get to see everyday... like this for example!

I lead a very simple life here, believe it or not. and we intend to stay living our simple life for as long as we can. Life is what YOU have, and how YOU make the best out of it.

Captured these pictures while on our way to the UK. this was taken in France, before we reached the Eurotunnel. I think they are simply gorgeous. how often do we stop and appreciate this? i appreciate life, i appreciate love, sincerity and everything that we see with every each passing day.

This is life. this is my life. me being such a softie, a whimpy mum and wife.. i sometimes cry looking at my two boys together. enjoying their time in their own special fluffy white duvet, somewhat like the clouds huh?! ;)

It makes me feel like i'm on cloud 9!

Have a wonderful, beautiful weekend everyone.. no more clouds, we shall now enjoy the snowy weather..

Z

What Do You Say...

What do you say when someone talks bad about you?

What do you say when someone utters hurtful words to you?

What do you say when people judge you based on what others say?

and...

What do you say when someone very dear to you's been told that he's got a couple of months to live?

Well, everything in life is a choice. You can lash out to those who talk bad of you and your family, you can certainly confront them, you can give them a taste of their own words, you can take it up to the next level and which will probably cause an argument, or, you can say nothing.

There are all types of people that makes this world, and i dont expect everyone to be the same. to me, my parents are one of the two most patient people in the world, alongside Hardy. we have had so many people talk about us, our family. it gets to me, up to a point. and to be honest, i cant help but to think that God had 'saved' us from all those by sending us here. well, at least it eases a little bit. 

I dont know their reasons for doing so. but what i do know is that we're true to ourselves and our beliefs. we're taking care of our family and ourselves and minding our own business. we are grateful to have amazing friends and we're grateful that we're living our lives.

It hurts, of course. but somethings are better left unspoken. somethings are better left unsaid. there's really no point of justifying everything to everybody.

What my parents had taught me was, think before you say something. if it can cause hurt and damage and will create anger, think again. i am seen to be the most soft hearted person by my husband. how soft hearted am i? well, i cried to Obama's speech when he won the election. that's how soft i can be! and i'm not even an american!

Now, back to those questions.. what do you say? what would you do?

Here in Holland, we're so lucky to have wonderful neighbours. the de Vries family are the closest people to us here. it's great to be able to trust somebody when you're still new to the country. they are the type of people whom you can trust to leave your keys with, whom you can always count for help, whom you can always sit down and have a chat over a cuppa tea and some vlaai... they're the type of neighbours whom you can always joke with and rely on... always.

John has his own workshop and is his own boss, while wife Angelie is the co owner of Aidan's playschool.

There was this one occation where Hardy was away and i had no bike, and so i decided not to send Aidan to playschool. they are the type of people who'd go beyond their routines to help us. John would rather not go to work and send and fetch Aidan from school. Angelie would do the same. every season we would get at least a gift from them. they'd always give Aidan something, presents and cards, books and toys.. and of course we would do the same for them and bring them back at least something from where we've been. the least we could do...

Last 4 months have been very tough on the whole family. it's been tough on us as well seeing them almost everyday. John has been diagnosed of Cancer. you can imagine how it has affected us. i cried the whole week and i just couldnt bring myself to see him. it was all a sudden. and the results are not on our side. the doctor said he has a few months. 

Took me a while to grab hold of myself before i could see him after the news.

They went for a second opinion. and still, the results are not good. i've ran out of words to say to him. and so now, i chose to say nothing but let my actions say it all.

But there was this one thing that i whispered to him as i hugged him before he left for Leuven. i said to him - so, ok, your organs are failing, but one thing still remains good is your heart. you are a strong, good man.

I guess what i'm really trying to say (and tell myself here) is to stay positive. stay hopeful. stay positive, no matter how hard it is. stay positive no matter how many evil voices there are in your head (and out there!). h0peful - hopeful it will all turn out good, hopeful those people will change, hopeful they wont talk bad about you and your family, hopeful they wont judge me anymore, hopeful they will mend their ways, hopeful they will change the way they think. 

Saying nothing doesnt mean you're not hurt. saying nothing doesnt mean you've lost the so called fight. saying noting doesnt mean you're wrong. saying nothing doesnt mean you dont care. it is staying true to yourself, your beliefs and what you feel and deem is right. 

We read that lemongrass can kill cancer cells. we buy them for John twice a week since we heard the news, in hope that it kills all the bad cells. i hope John will live to battle out the cancer. i hope John will stay positive and hope he will enjoy the rest of the days. 

I am hopeful for so, SO many other things. and  i thank God for keeping us, my family, my parents healthy and well.

Have a good weekend everyone. thanks for always hopping by to read! 

Z

Its Been a While ey?

  

 

I have been spending lots of quality time with Aidan lately. he is now in a different stage and to be honest, i have never felt so comfortable and confident being a mum, like how i'm currently feeling. he's much more independent yes. sometimes i do struggle. but most importantly, i enjoy every second of it. he's more of a companion for me now, we talk, we joke, we strike conversations, we cook, we fold (clothes), we clean (mostly his mess)...

I am however very strict with routines and my do's and my dont's. and the best bit these days, he can be asked to do things, he listens and understands, and he knows his please and thank yous! (i'd better stop bragging!)

I am seriously setting some ground rules and pilling those concrete foundation. hopefully he'll have good solid roots, so that i'd feel much safer and have tonnes of confidence before i let him 'fly'.

It is just pure joy, beyond words just by looking at him and watch him play on his own and doing his own thing. he is now at a stage of imagining, in his own world. both Hardy and i are often amazed with the things that he can do, and our faces would beam with proudness. 

Lin (my new friend from Paris) once asked me, how does it feel to be a mother? i answered her in one word - Proud. 

I think i'm made for this. i'm made to mother. i'm defintely not made to study (unlike my brainy sister), i'm definately not made to work behind a desk in an office (the only desk i'm made for is my craft desk!).. i am made to mother, and i mother almost everyone!

Anyway, it is now autumn, it's getting cooler and almost all the leaves are gone. i wanted to snap some good shots of autumn but so far, i managed to get only one. this one's my favorite. taken just outside our home, on our driveway. autumn's beautiful, but sadly, the night will become longer thus, we would have lesser sunlight during the day. but every season has its own charm. 

I'm off to finish unpacking. our surprise UK trip for my sister was a success! we had a brilliant time, although i wish we could stay longer and spend more time with all and visit some of our closest friends and relatives.. hopefully next time.. 

I dont know about you, but i have a theme song for every season! and this year's autumn, i am currently in love with 'No Air'. a nice song to listen to on the background when you're on your sofa, both feet up, with a hot drink in your hand and watch those leaves fall!

Enjoy both versions! i'm off to mother Hardy now that Aidan's asleep! he.. he.. have a great week ahead everyone! 

No Air - David Slides

No Air - Boyce Avenue

Our Autumn In Paris

We're back from Paris and i've been swamped with housework and orders (read here if you're interested!). it was a 4  (5 including stops!) hour ride from the calm, small town of Sittard to the ever buzzing busy city of Paris!

This was our 3rd time together in Paris since we moved here. first time was in spring, being 5 months pregnant, we went to Rolland Garros, the second time was with my parents last year in winter and now, in Autumn. every season has it's charm. but one thing's for sure, Paris is still as busy as ever!

But he did it again! YES Hardy did it again! if you're not a parisien, two things you need when you drive in Paris- a lot of guts and tonnes of confidence. it was absolutely MAD! roads are fairly small compared to the roads we have here in Holland and to top it off, almost everyone's beating the lights, and they have BIG huge roundabouts and then, somehow you'd have to stop in the middle of the roundabout, and zebra crossings every 100mtrs not to mention those bravehearts cyclists on their bikes to watch out for! GOSH! thank god we stopped at the services just before we got into Paris! i'd sure pee in my pants if my bladder was full!

In the middle of a traffic jam with cars honking at each other, in the middle of a roundabout, one car decided to call for the police who was standing probably 30mtrs away, and asked for directions! and when the lights turned green, everyone was at a halt, anxious impatient drivers then started to honk and gosh, pure madness! one thing about driving in holland, people dont honk! but hey, this is Paris we're talking about!

Anyway... if you do plan to drive in Paris, get a 4th or 5th hand car (not second! even! no! well depends how badly damage it already is!). i noticed almost every car has at least a scratch! and here we are driving our big fat estate car! and dont let me even start on parking! this is how they park...

Do i need to elaborate more?! oh, i take it back, you will need 3 things if you want to drive in Paris, not 2 - guts, confidence and a 4th/5th hand car! hehe.

Now, to a more calming story and more calming pictures...

I brought Aidan to this park near our hotel. we spent a good 2 hours there. such colourful people from all around. a lady who sat next to me offered me to share her lunch, i even made friends with an american guy with his son. both sighed in relief cause we dont speak a word of french apart from bonjour and au revoir! i had a brilliant time with Aidan meeting the people that makes Paris Paris!

Since we already did the whole Eifel Tower, Notre Damm and Champs-Elysees bit last winter, we decided to give it a miss this time. my main visit to Paris this time is to meet this one person whom i've been talking a lot to for the past half a year. you know sometimes, you can just tell a person just based on how they talk (or perhaps i should say type!). we shared our stories and i somehow feel very close to her since we started chatting. 

I was right. we hit it off right away. she's friendly, warm, funny and humble and just pure genuine. i can relate to almost everything she's going through right now - the big change! she is one tough one, a very nice person to talk to and a wonderful company to be with, a wonderful cook and a loving person, she's great with Aidan. both Lin and her french husband Mokhtar was just like us 3 years ago. 

They invited us to their lovely home and Lin cooked us the best sambal tumis udang in Europe! and yes, let us not forget about the formage! we had a lovely time, even Aidan enjoyed himself finishing up almost half a plate of tempe we brought for them!

The next day, Lin brought us to Jardin du Luxembourg. we love parks and gardens and what a way to spend a day enjoying the sun at the most beautiful garden i've ever been to! the weather was really REALLY nice throughout the duration we were there. 21c, too good to be true for October! the garden is breathtakingly beautiful. it is so french with lots of statues and monuments, almost like an open air museum. 

We had a lovely time, and i'm glad i finally get to meet Lin. she'll always be special to me, just like a younger sister. and after our days in Paris, i can say this, i had a wonderful family dinner eating Japanese with my boys, i had a wonderful mother and son day at the park with Aidan, and i had a wonderful meeting with Lin. and i wouldnt wanna swap that with any other stuff in Paris, not even the best crepes in the whole entire city of Paris!

Thank you Lin & Mokhtar.  thanks for the wonderful meal, the chocolate cake, the cheese, gifts for Aidan and a start to a lovely friendship! 

Our Humble Raya

Our Raya was just a simple one. Raya here in Holland was on Tuesday, a day earlier than home. we only knew about it before going to bed that Monday night. i almost went into panic attack as i wasnt ready with all the stuff to make our little family Raya feast. i was so confident that it will fall on Wednesday!

I know i've said that i wont fuss about Raya, but i'd still want my house to smell like 'Raya' (if you know what i mean). Hardy then reminded me that there's nothing to panic, and suggested we'd go out and have dinner instead!

No way i'm gonna let my boys eat sushi on Raya!

Hardy had to go for a meeting in Germany on the first day of Raya and so Aidan and i continued with our initial plan to make cookies for papa (cant seem to find the photos, but will upload later). it went well... in the beginning! until Aidan poured more and more flour into the dough! there goes our chocolate chip cookies (sigh). we did everything together, from bringing out the ingredients to measuring and mixing. showed him the entire process and told him after he wakes up from his nap, the cookies will be done, out from the oven! it was so much fun asking him to stir and mix! we had less than 10 of them. 1 for aidan (he only had one, probably now he knows the consequences of pouring more flour into the mixture!) and the rest, mama and papa kongsi! (shared). we ate them all, with proudness written all over our faces and in our tummies regardless the texture!

A week before Raya i asked Hardy what should we cook. He said kuah kacang, nasi impit and lodeh would be awesome! since he'll be busy for the rest of the month, we decided to postpone his famous laksa till further notice! first time lucky! everything was edible!! i'm pretty pleased with myself!

The next morning was so busy, busy on the phone from morning till midday! calling most of our families and close friends. calls, calls.....

 and more phone calls!

And last weekend, we went to our friend's Raya gathering at Eindhoven. and it was such a pleasant surprise to meet almost everyone there! cooked ayam percik and had the most delicious rendang in holland! 

Received Raya cards and even duit raya for Aidan! i must reply soon to thank each and every one of you. i just need a little bit more time! but sincerely, thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Will be packing... leaving for Paris tomorrow.  i havent even blog about our Czech holiday, and now we're leaving again! oh gosh, where did September go!! time flies SO fast!

Just like most families, we had our family picture taken as well. all dressed up in Baju Kurung. and i'm sure you can tell the theme colour just by looking at Aidan's!

Anyway, how was your Raya?

P.s: I will, i will reply to comments/emails (ranee, you're on top of my list! perhaps we should swap numbers!). 

Selamat Hari Raya

This is my 3rd Raya here, in the Netherlands, but probably my 8th time spending raya out of Malaysia. yes i do miss home especially this time around, with all the food you can get, and meeting most family members (mostly crazy wicked cousins), i miss going to my best friend Yoyo's house and have leftovers.. i miss the sound of fireworks at night, and the raya songs they play on the radio, i miss the smell of raya (if you know what i mean) - the smell of new curtains, new paint, cookies and cakes in the oven...

But eversince we got here, we havent been really focusing much on raya. 

To us, now that we're all grown up and pretty much slightly (and hopefully) wiser, raya is not all about food. raya is not all about new things in the house, new clothes, new shoes and what we're gonna wear. raya for us is to be thankful and grateful and most importantly, raya is all about giving and forgiving.

If i have ten hands, i'd send all of you a card. but with everything that's been going on lately, i only managed to make less than half of what i intended to make! we posted our cards, couple of weeks back and hope they have arrived. with or without a card, one thing is for sure, we wish the same for everyone.

I wish everyone will enjoy their time together. i wish everyone a safe journey, and since its all about giving and forgiving, this is what i could give and wish for all of you, i ask for yours, and i give you my forgiveness, and i also wish you all the love.

 

To all our friends and families who always hop by to 'visit' us here, 

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

To Aidan

The way you came into the world was just simply different than anything else (ask papa the whole story!)

All  i can say is, before you were here, I would die for you..

This is trully, the miracle of love.

You were the tiniest thing i ever decided to put my whole life into.

As i stood and watched you sleeping, the moonlight kissed your face.

My heart is overwhelmed with your beauty and your grace.

How precious and so delicate is your tiny little hand

And the sweetness of your lips and eyes is nothing less than grand

Your spirit and your softness ternderly sets my heart aglow, with a love so deep and infinite that only a mother could know.

So tonight i count my blessings for my darling, Aidan dear, for surely God did hear my heart and answered every prayer.

10 tiny fingers ready to play

10 tiny toes dancing away

2 tiny hands to hold from the start, and

1 precious smile that touches my heart..

Yummy

Yummy

Yummy

I've got food in my tummy!

Little boys are awesome blessings,

filled with imagination and fun.

Their charm is magic and energy abounding,

until the day is done

Before you were born 

I dreamed of you,

I imagined you,

I prayed for you..

Now that you're here,

I hope for you,

I love you,

 and i thank God for you

Happy 2nd Birthday Aidan!

A Busy Body

Been down with a bad flu, had a bad fall (a rather funny story!) and been busy as a bee lately!

This is currently what i have on my plate, lots of sweet stuff! Aidan's gonna be 2 this Sunday! will share the end results of this entire mess soon...

Promise will reply most comments..... and promise to write about Czech... will write again soon guys, thanks ever so much for hopping by!

Fijne weekend! till my next post!

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is one special month for me. I have had wonderful months of fasting for the past years. my business always kicked in during the months of Ramadhan, Aidan was born slightly before the month of Ramadhan, we moved into our new house in the month of Ramadhan, i've met wonderful new friends during the months of Ramadhan (Juan of Sapura & k.Liza of Lubis to name a few).

Here's something i thought i'd share during this fasting month. its quite a personal one.


I moved to KL wanting to start a new life some 5 years ago. had a shop with a business partner but after the first year, it went downhill. i then went on my own. a few offers came in wanting me to join their companies but i decided to go on my own. it was very slow but i didnt give up. lucky for me, my business doesnt involve loans from banks and other institutions, but myself, and of course with the support of my parents. it then got to a stage where we were running dry.

One day just slightly before Ramadhan, i called my parents up for financial help. told them i wanted to make Hari Raya Hampers (back then it was at its peak). but there was something in mum's voice, and i knew something was wrong. they had sold off our second car and then i just knew that i couldnt ask for more from them. at that time both of them worked extra hard in finding extra money, dad helps a friend in a business venture and mum sells her necklaces and her oter crafts. but i could sense things are not looking so bright.

At that time, i felt like i'm the most useless daughter int the world.

Car-less, and pockets all drained, i had to walk to get to where i wanted to go. by then it was 1st and 2nd days of Ramadhan. cracked my head as to how i should do this without having to put any money up front. scouted for other people doing the same thing. i worked so hard till i almost forgot that i was fasting. i could still remember the first days of Puasa where i had to walk in the rain to get food, and i was all alone. i was sure most people by that time were already in front of their dining tables full of food and colourful drinks, waiting for the azan to break their fasts. i had to walk during azan. and it was a good 25 mins walk and coming back from the stalls, a car drove by and hit a big puddle and i got really drenched! got back to the apartment and i cried and cried. one thing about me is i simply hate to ask for favors from anybody. yes, i'd rather get drenched!

I then prayed like i've never prayed before. asking God if He could help me help my parents. i prayed, and i prayed hard. i can still remember that day when i cried to Him for help. i knew what i wanted to do, i trust myself and i believe in myself so much and have every faith that what i intended to do will succeed.

After a lot of convincing, moneytory help came in and so i could then extend the business more (to which i am grateful for). i worked my pants off during that whole month. other offers started to pour in during the same month. and i was travelling KL-JB back and forth like crazy (i've made friends with all the bus drivers!). i just couldnt cope (which was good!) and by that time, i wished i had more than 10 hands, i wished there were more than 24 hours a day and energy that could last me for life without having to sleep!

Relationships matured and one soured (for some reasons till today it puzzles me) during that month of Ramadhan. but i stayed very focused and brush the negativities aside. i knew what i was doing, and i stayed true to my words and beliefs. my relationship with my parents really matured during this time, we had fun helping each other out and it was simply a blast. i could have never have done it without them plus 2 most dearest, most beautiful friends one could ever have, Lenny and Yoyo.

That whole year was full of exciting ventures. the next Ramadhan we went full swing! Rezeki started to pour even more.

I'd never thought i'd make it this far. to which i'm very proud of. i'd never thought that other people had faith and trust in me. a bonus to see them smile whenever they see the stuff i made. everything was dipermudahkan. my prayers were answered.

the last batch before saying goodbye

2 years later, i met Hardy. got married and moved out of Malaysia, for good! it is a shame to leave everything behind just as things are picking up and bigger plans were made. but it was all for the better. definitely!

I miss those days. i miss being extremely busy! those difficult days meant a lot to me. i'm proud of what i did, how i did it. it all started with one wish. one niat - which was to help mum and dad.

Ramadhan is the best month, it pulls you so so much closer to God. it made me stronger, much much stronger. One thing that struck me was, Alhamdulillah, even without a car, even when there's no more shop, even when i'm without a soulmate, minus all the digits in our bank accounts, we worked hard and we were very happy.

Syukur, with just the basics, minus the pasar ramadhans (though i miss it), we're still able to fast till today, and most importantly, we're all fine now.

I am now helping a couple of people who i feel are in the same boat as i was back then. i'm helping them from here, afar. i've helped them before but how i wish i'm actually there so that i could help more... its difficult, yes, but i'm gonna give it my best shot!

Ramadhan al Mubarak to all muslims, my friends.

In Memory

It was 2 years ago. and i can still remember his voice. a very humble boy, just a boy. he helped us to build our home.

I can still remember him talking to Hardy about the renovation. i can still remember him knocking down our old walls with his bare hands. i can still remember him doing the plastering of Aidan's new room and laying down the bricks for our kitchen and dining extention. i can remember it all well.

He left without even seeing our home, now all done up. he left before i could even cook him a malay meal as i had promised. he left without even finishing his final year degree in construction, he left us suddenly. but he left peacefully.

I am extremely thankful and grateful to him for all his effort and his time. 2 years. 2 years had passed. and our home would not be a home without his help.


As i prayed with Hardy last night in our room, i thought of him, and how hard he worked for our house, to get it all ready before Aidan was born. that place where he stood is now our office and my craft room, and that's the exact place where we now pray. we now spend most of our time there, in that room, which once used to be Aidan's.

To Geoffery, we didnt thank you enough. but we hope you know how grateful we are to you. you're missed, i'm sure. but we want you to know, you're remembered, by us. always. in memory of you, we planted an apple tree in our garden! thank you, thank you so much. may you rest in peace Geoffery.

Zaza, Hardy & Aidan

**more on what actually happened, click here**